Womanizer
by Belladonna Andromeda
Summary: Sirius Black, heartbreaker of Hogwarts.. is in love. But he has a reputation. And in order to uphold it he has to keep breaking hearts... including his own. SBRL
1. Chapter 1

_Oh la la…_

That is what goes through the minds of women when I walk passed them in all my gorgeous glory. I know it. I can see it in their eyes when I look at them, wink and leave them hyperventilating in happiness. I can see the dozens pairs of eyes watching my back, my body as a walk towards my next class. Me? I'm watching my friend. Remus Lupin. My small, delicate, beautiful, intelligent, logical, wonderful, magical, mysterious, shy, lovable, spectacular friend.

Who am I kidding? I can't even convince myself. He is the love of my life. I have dozens of stalkers, thousands of admirers, millions of fans and I'm in love with Remus Lupin. Ironic, ain't it? I look at those golden shoulder-lengthed locks of his, those petite shoulders, that slim back, those long slender legs. I quickly look around to see if anyone noticed me molesting my fellow Marauder with my eyes. The girls are still drooling. Good. Nobody noticed. I return to my bad habit instantly. Remus Ogling. It's addicting really. And it hurts. Watching and longing for something or someone when you know you'll never have it or him/her. It hurts like hell.

"Hey."

Oh god, brave firstyear alert. Talk about annoying.

"I noticed you around, you know. Sirius Black, right?"

"Yeah, that's me." I say, giving her a wink. She giggles but no blush. Damn. Did she take a courage inhencing potion or something. Oh god. She can't be thinking I'm interested in her?! Damnit! Damn me and my unconcious flirting and my good looks. Damn her and her confidence and age.

"I'm Natasha McBrave."

Fitting.

"Nice to meet ya, mate." Nice. Turn the conversation non-flirting friendly. She notices and looks a little less pleased. Get the hint and go away, damn you.

"Nice to meet you also. Um, do you want to sit with me at breakfast?"

Hahahahaha! _No_.

"Not really."

"Oh, well do you want to meet after classes then?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"How about next Hogsmeade trip?"

What is wrong with this girl? Give up already.

"Already have plans, mate. Why?"

"I just- you're really handsome and everything so I just wanted to get to know you better." She said, a little less confident now. Ha. Took long enough.

"Mate, you're a firstyear. I'm a seventh year. Secondly you're a ravenclaw. Did you really think you had a chance?" I replied. My patience having abandoned me.

Without waiting for a reply I turn around and automatically my eyes scan the crowd for Remus. Instead I see James' crow's nest poking out from out of the crowd. Damn, that fucker's tall. His children are going to be giants, I swear. I strut towards them, hoping Remus is still with them. I'm lucky. The little angel is standing next to Pete and talking to... a _girl_?! What the fuck? What the hell!? This can't be happening. I walk faster, greet James shortly and move on to Remus, the more important issue at hand, leaving the Gryffindor Seeker standing with an open mouth as he apparently wanted to say something to me.

"Yo." I said casually. At least I hope it sounded casually.

Remus looks up at me with his big, golden eyes and I can feel my insides melting. Then he smiles. I grant him my killer smile, hoping it secretly affects him just as much as the female population of Hogwarts. He shakes his head fondly. I stare at the girl. Take that, bitch. The girl is actually kinda pretty. She had shoulder-length, light brown curls with dashing green eyes and pink painted lips. I know her! That's Elizabeth Collingwood. The stuttering, stumbling clumsy little thing that always has a nervous breakdown when a guy asks her out. What's she doing with my Remmie?

"Collingwood, what brings you here?"

Her big eyes go even bigger. Rather impressive. Didn't think that was possible. Before I know it everyone is making noise and gathering around a fainted Elizabeth Collingwood.

... O-kay. I'll just... leave. Damn. Remus is giving me that look that makes me grow a concience.

"You okay?" I ask her. Rather stupid as she's unconcious. Pretty unlikely that she'll just jump up and say she's fine. Remus rolls his eyes at me before taking out his wand and casting a spell which causes Collingwood to wake with a start. She took one look at me and fainted again. I know I'm hot but damn... and why the hell is everyone looking at me as though I put some weird hex on her. I didn't do anything!

"Come on, Sirius. You make her nervous."

"Sorry." I mutter, not knowing what else to say and feeling braindead cause the love of my life was holding my hand. Pathetic, I know. I need a savior. Or an angel. But that's where Remus comes in and he's the one doing this to me. Arg. I'm confused. This sucks. Even more so now Remmie let go of my hand.

Wait, hot girl alert. Gotta keep my reputation rolling. I walk closer to her as she comes towards me. Our eyes meet and she stops. At first she looks amazed that I'm paying attention to her but that soon fades and she looks ready for some good ole seduction. I strut over to her and whisper into her ear. _Meet me here after class. _The mysterious, smooth approach. She looks pleased, winks at me and goes to her friends who look like they can't believe what just happened. Well, believe it baby. Sirius Black, the Womanizer, Heartthrob of Hogwarts, Sex God and heartbreaker extraordinaire, has chosen another victim. Imma be breaking another heart tonight.

Hers.

"Sirius!"

I search for the source of the voice and see Remus waving at me. He's smiling. I sigh and walk towards him, forcing a smile to my face.

And mine.

_No matter how many girls I fuck_

_No matter how many admirers I've got_

_I look at you and my tongue gets stuck_

_I ignore you but my heart won't stop_

_Heartbreaker_

_Womanizer_

_I have a reputation to uphold_

_Sex God_

_Hearthrob_

_The only heart I'm breaking is my own_

_Belladonna Andromeda, Womanizer_

000

I felt like writing it. It might turn into a story but for now it's a oneshot. Please, review.


	2. Chapter 2

Its funny how many people give up their own hearts for things like a good reputation, acceptance or other stupid reasons. I like calling those people weak. I enjoy taunting them. But what most of them don't know is that I, Sirius Black, am one of them. No, I am worse actually. I am one of them while pretending _not_ to be. To make matters worse I am in love with someone of the same sex as myself.

Remus Lupin. What a beautiful name. What a beautiful specimen. How I wish it was his neck I was kissing right now. How I wish it was his moans echoing through the empty Charms classroom. How I wish it was him staring lovingly yet lustfully into my eyes. But it wasn't.

"Personally," Gertrude Ryeland said with difficulty while trying to catch her breath, "I think Remus Lupin is a bit of an odd name."

Shit! Did I say that out loud? I hope I didn't say the rest out loud as well. I can't afford getting into trouble. Wait… what do you mean odd name?! Remus Lupin is a spectacular name full of elegance, intelligence, beauty and peaceful sighs. The name is impossible to speak without rolling your tongue, giving it an exotic sound and… shit. Here I go again.

"Odd? Why?" I say, gluing my tongue to her neck again to prevent her seeing my sneer.

"Well because of its connection with the moon. Remus is one of the two brothers raised by wolves or something, right? And Lupin probably has something to do with lupine or Luna. You'd think a werewolf named him or something." She said before giggling.

I freeze. I try not to dig my fingers into her neck and strangle her. How dare she? How fucking _dare_ she?! Although nobody can call Gertrude Ryeland stupid it's more then obvious she's not one of the kindest people on the planet. She's selfish. She's spoiled. She's arrogant. She's rich. She's beautiful. And she knows she is.

"And he's so little. No wonder everybody thinks he's a 3rd year. He's tinier then all the girls! And he is such a nerd. He has an answer to everything. It's really annoying. And – " She looks at me with her big bright hazel eyes which remind me of James, probably wondering why on earth I had suddenly stopped and was currently staring her down. I gulped. Remus or reputation? Remus or reputation?

"You talk too much." I say smirking while pulling off her shirt. I hear her giggling. I'm such a fucking coward.

000

"Padfoot, tell me what's up?" James asked me with worried eyes. They're big and bright and immediately remind me of Gertrude Ryeland. It takes all of my power to prevent myself from punching James in the face and convince myself that it was my best friend talking to me right now. Not that sneaky little bitch.

"What happened, Padfoot? Was she that horrible in bed?"

I shake my head. I don't want to talk about it, you dipshit! Leave me alone. What is it with people and not taking hints these days? I swear to Merlin that Prongs can be just as dense as that Sasha McCourage or whatever her name was.

Right now I am sitting in the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by red, gold and statues of proud lions with James Potter in father-mode at my side and Wormtail in pathetic-mode (the mode he's always in) staring hopelessly at us. Prongs could immediately tell something had happened to me the minute I stepped into the common room. I thought I was supposed to be a great actor? Damn you, Prongs.

"You're going to tell me what happened, Sirius Black or my nickname ain't Prongs!"

"It isn't. It's dipshit." I state, wanting my best friend gone for the first time in my life. He glares at me. I glare back. Peter looks like he's about to dash out of the common room to call for help. But before he gets the chance 'help' had already arrived in all his beautiful glory. I break my staring contest with Prongs who looks funnily at me. Couldn't blame him though. I _never_ back out of or break a contest. No matter what kind of contest it is. Once I was in it I'd be damned before I give up which often resulted in me winning. Unless Remmie was a contestant as well. I couldn't help but let him win. Even when he was so obviously worse at whatever then me I still let him win. It's a wonder nobody noticed. Then again, I think Prongs might be on to something. Better be careful.

"Hey, Rapunzel!" I yell before getting up and walking over to my beloved Remmie. He frowns at my nickname for him but it only makes him cuter. Not my fault he has the longest hair out of all of us. I have long hair but mine only reaches a little below my shoulders. His golden threads reach his mid-back. The only male who has longer hair then my beautiful Remmie is Lucius Malfoy and Albus Dumbledore. Both could tuck their hair into their belts if they wanted to. But neither of them had hair as beautiful as Remmie… or me for that matter.

"Hello to you too, Narcissus."

… Was that an insult?

I smile at Remus anyway. But I guess the fact that he was touching my arm had something to do with it too. My smile drops a little though when I see him eye me with the same worried expression that James has. I can't pull off an annoyed expression though. It's like Remus repels everything negative inside of me. Damn, I've got it baaaad for Remus Lupin.

"Are you ok, Paddle?"

…. Don't ask. I like it. Why? Because Remmie's calling me that. For that simple reason I like being called 'Paddle'. But _only_ when he calls me that. Nobody else can. Everything he calls me I like. He could call me an utter asshole and I'd still like it.

"I'm fine."

"No, he's not!" James interferes. I toss a glare at Prongs over my shoulder. He glares back at me while standing up, towering over me, trying to intimidate me before he turns to Remmie.

"He's been acting weird since he came back from his nocturnal mating hour!"

Nocturnal mating hour? Again, should I be insulted? My glare hardens but Prongs doesn't notice.

I hear Remmie sigh next to me. Fuck, Prongs look! We're causing an angel stress! We're sinning, damn you!

"Siri?" Oh god, not the nickname. Anything but that nickname he always uses to make me do something I don't wanna do. "Did something happen?"

Both Remmie and James are looking at me, waiting for my answer. I try to bite on my tongue but my entire body betrays me.

"Yes."

"Did she hurt you or your feelings?"

"Not exactly…"

"Then what happened?" James asks. They could be my parents. Momma Moony and Papa Prongs. That's the title of the image before my eyes… a rather disturbing image. I like momma Moony and Papa Padfoot a lot better.

I'm fidgeting. They look even more worried now. Sirius Black does _not_ fidget. And if I do then something's horribly wrong with me. And there is. I keep sending fleeting glances at Moony and James. Hoping they understand what I'm trying to say. After what feels like an hour Prongs nods and asks Remmie if he could Wormtail with his homework. Again, I have to use force to prevent myself from objecting. There is nothing wrong with friends helping each other with their homework. There's no need or use getting jealous.

"C'mon." James says and we both head to our bedrooms.

"Okay, spill." He says finally after 5 minutes of total silence.

"I did something very stupid, Prongs." I say, not able to keep it inside of me any longer. If I have to tell someone it might as well be James.

"What? What did you do? Did you kill her?!"

I stare at him… Not a bad idea there, Prongs.

"No. Worse."

He stares at me funnily. Again.

"What on earth is worse then murder?"

"I – fuck, Prongs – I moaned someone else's name while doing her!"

He stares at me for several moments with a flabbergast expression on his face. Then slowly I can see his mouth twitch. I glare at him as he bites his lower lip in an attempt to keep from laughing. It doesn't work so he turns it into a coughing fit instead. My glare hardens.

"Some understanding friend, you are, Potter." I sneer, using my Black side to prove I am not finding this amusing. No pun intended, seriously… again, no pun intended, damnit.

"I'm sorry. But I can't believe you moaned another name. You were _fucking_ Gertrude Ryeland. One of the prettiest girls in Hogwarts! How on earth could you moan someone else's name! Whose name did you moan anyway?"

"Just… someone I like."

"You _like_ someone? As in like like? As in fancying like? As in _love_ like?" Prongs gaped unattractively at me. I glare weakly at him, feeling vulnerable and exposed. Confessing is not my thing, especially not when it gives other people the chance to control me.

My mother used to do it all the time. She would pretend to be a loving mother and lure me into telling her things I never intended on telling her or anyone else for that matter. Then she would yell at me, hex and/or curse me and lock me up in the basement where the only company I had were rats, cockroaches and Kreacher who came to give me something to eat once in a while.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot. I really am. I'm just… shocked. You're Sirius Black, mate. The Womanizer of Hogwarts. I thought you were incapable of falling in love. That's what you told me numerous times and now you're telling me you like someone."

"Yes." I say immediately, wanting this to end. I wasn't made for confessing. This is excruciating. I can't do this. Confessing is for teenage girls and adults with dirty secrets. I am neither though I am a teenager with plenty of dirty secrets. And I am about to tell Prongs the dirtiest of them all.

"So who is it?"

"No one."

"Don't go saying that, Padfoot. Tell me who it is. I told you I fancied Lily, didn't I?"

"Yeah well you've always been a dork. Besides falling for Lily is something most people can understand. She's pretty. She's smart. She's friendly. She's tough. She's plain wonderful really." I smirk at James as his eyes go more sparkly the more I talk.

"Yeah, she's magical, ain't she? But so is… you know who."

"Who?" I ask, confused.

"You know. The one you like." James states with a wink as he nudges my sides with his pointy elbows.

"Stop stabbing me! And I have no idea who you're talking about!" I flush as James smirks. I didn't tell him, did I? I don't remember telling him. Does that mean he thinks Remus is awesome too?

"You _know_. C'mon, Padfoot. We got the two most spectacular students in all of Hogwarts for ourselves. Well, you don't… yet. But as soon as we make a plan you'll have yours too." He states confusing me more then ever.

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

"The object of your affection!"

"Remus?"

"……… Who?" James says while eyeing me with an expression I've never seen before. It's stone cold. His eyes have lost all their friendliness and his mouth is an inch away from a scowl. I freeze. Oh my god, what have I done? I knew it. I should've never trusted James with this. They're all like my mother.

"Never mind. I'll just go and we can forget about-"

"No!" Prongs interrupts and he jumps in front of the only exit, blocking my path with his tall, thin but stronger-then it looks body. Damnit.

"What? Are you going to scream at me now, Prongs? Are you going to hit me, hex me? If you are then hurry up! I wanna get this over with."

James looks like he's thinking things over big time before shaking his head and giving me a fond smile.

"And only a few hours ago I was thinking 'Sirius, you're life can't get any more dramatic then it is' and then you come and prove me wrong. Sirius Black, heartbreaker extraordinaire, is in love with fellow Marauder, Remus Lupin." He was laughing but there was no humour in it. He shook his head again. I didn't know what to say. Did he except it or not?

"Well," He starts and looks me dead in the eye. His eyes are sparkling again. "It looks like we have a lot of work to do."

I smile at my best friend, remembering why he was my best friend in the first place. You wonderful, wonderful man you. Merlin I thank you, for James "Prongs" Potter. I all but tackled him into the door, screaming thank-you's inro his ear as he laughs out loud. I feel wonderful. God, that felt so _good_. Getting that off my chest… wait. Wait!

"Prongs!"

"What!" James responds, alert.

"I – let's not do anything, alright?"

He blinks stupidly at me.

"Why not?"

"Because of my… reputation and everything. I can't. I just – I can't."

Prongs looks like he's going to go fucking Bruce Lee on my ass. He rolls his eyes and whispers something that sounded strangely like 'I knew it'. I look at the floor, unsure. Should I be feeling ashamed of myself?

"Padfoot, you are the biggest coward in the whole fucking universe."

"I know."

"You're always laughing at people who don't go for the ones the like because of things like that and here you are doing it yourself!"

"I know."

"You like Remus Lupin. Moony is an amazing person. He's perfect for you. He's the only thing in existence that can tame the almighty Sirius Black."

"I know."

"The signs were so obvious. How could I have missed it? And now you tell me and I'm offering my help… and you fucking decline because you're worried about you're _reputation_?!"

"I know."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"I don't know."

"You don't? Cause a minute ago you seemed to know a lot!"

"Stop fucking pressuring me, alright! It's hard enough as it is."

"No, it is not." Prongs hisses at me, pulling off a good impression of the infamous ex-Slytherin Prince, Lucius Malfoy. He's pissed. I can tell. Oh fuck. I changed my mind Merlin. You can keep James Potter.

"You're making it difficult for yourself, Sirius! Because you're a Black!"

I flinch. Ouch, that hurt. But he continues, all the while sneering at me. The only time he has ever been this mad was when I told Snape about… well, you know. James has been protective of Remmie ever since. More then usual. Even more then me sometimes. Sometimes meaning the times that _I_ am the one endangering Remmie.

"Blacks and reputation. It makes me sick. It's always on top of the list, isn't it. 'Gotta keep my reputation rolling' you always say. 'I'll be breaking another heart tonight' you always say. And all this time you've been playing fucking games with your own heart? Why? Because you're a Black. You've always been one and you'll always be one. It's in your blood. You fucking pathetic, little coward!!"

My eyes are wide. I can feel my heart beating against my ribcage. It hurts. But it's nothing like the pain I'm feeling in my soul. This isn't happening. I'm not like them. I'm… not.

"You-you…"

"I'm what?" James taunts me, his eyes flashing. "Listen here, Black. You can choose between Remus' love and your precious reputation on one condition. If you choose your reputation then you have to tell Remus that you love him but that you find your womanizing reputation more important then him."

I gulp. What the fuck, Prongs? What are you doing to me?

Both Prongs and I jump to the ceiling when somebody knocks on the door. I've never been so afraid in my entire life. My life. My everything could be affected by this. We are the Marauders, weren't we? I am one of the Marauders, aren't I? James glares at me before turning to the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's Remus. Are you guys alright in there? I heard shouting."

"No, you didn't." James tries. As if, Prongs, as if…

"Yes, I did. What's going on? Are you guys fighting?"

"No!" We both yell. Probably thinking the same thing too. Let's _not_ involve Remmie unless totally necessary. Moony could make a sabre-toothed tiger look like a gentle mother-figure when he hears we're fighting. Whether it be each other or someone else. He would glare us down despite the fact that we're both taller then him, give us a heated lecture and ground us. Yes, Remmie has the power to ground us. He would not allow us to prank people, he would not allow us to sneak into the kitchen or Hogsmeade and he would not let us out of his sight until the time we're grounded is over. It's scary.

"Then what on earth is going on?! Let me in."

James rushed to the door and opened it to reveal the most beautiful creature walking the planet. His magnificent golden eyes were frowning and looking at the two of us in turn while Prongs and I tried to look like everything was okay between us.

"See nothing's wrong." I say. Prongs gives me another look I've never seen on him before.

"Padfoot has something to tell you, don't you?" He leers at me.

Damn son of a... I can't believe he did that. Remmie looks at me expecting me to rush forward and say what I wanted to immediately. When I don't he folds his hands and looks sternly at me as if I did something wrong. Oh Merlin, help me.

_So I whisper things into the dark, hoping you cannot hear them _

_Baby, every day there's a price I pay although I can never pay them _

_I'll be looking at you while hiding in shadows, hoping you cannot see me _

_Baby, every night I try to fight the feelings you give me _

_But it's useless _

_It's crazy _

_I'm not even really trying _

_It's pathetic _

_But maybe _

_Someday I can stop hiding _

_Cause if you're heart's filled with rejection _

_Don't listen to my confession..._

_Belladonna Andromeda, Sufferment_

0000

_izziexxx – _Thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the first one.

_Slasharific _– Thank you for your review. I hope you still like it. And I continued so I hope I have a devoted reader now.

_MoonyIsTheMan _– Thank you for your review. It is sad, isn't it. I hope you like this chapter.

_Rekahneko_ - Thank you for your review. I'm glad you like my description of the Sirius-womanizer-but-secretly-like-Remus.

_Annaiel _- Thank you for your review. I'm happy. My fic does not look like other despite that it's been done before.

_Prongs _- Thank you for your review. I love your enthusiasm. I never thought this fic would get so many reviews. Especially in such a short time. I enjoyed writing the part with... uh, whats-her-face. I might give her a bigger role but I'm not sure yet.

_ProperT _- Thank you for your review. You are very right. Maybe this chapter explains that bit. I dunno. But being in love with someone understanding isn't always great. That doesn't always mean they return your feelings and being friends with someone your in love with is pure torture. What's-her-face is rather popular, ain't she?

_Jenny _- Thank you for your review. You're also enthusiastic. I love it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

_EowynSaule - _Thank you for your review. I continued my fic because it got so many reviews in such a short time. I hope you like this chapter as much as the first.

_Ishirua-kun - _Thank you for your review. Another enthusiastic reviewer! No, it isn't a song. Both the first and the second in this chapter were made by myself.

_Vikertee _- Thank you for your review. I'm so happy that you like my fic. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that I haven't blown the entire story with it.

_A warning to my readers and reviewers; I am a slow cow. Sometimes it can take a very long time before I update thanks to lack of inspiration. If you'd like you could give me ideas if you notice an update's taking too long. I would really appreciate it. Thank you, B.A. or Vee. _


	3. Chapter 3

I never thought the battle between my love and my reputation would end up threatening my happiness for the rest of my life. It never, not even once, crossed my mind. I thought that if I just ignored my love for Moony it would vanish sooner or later and I could move on with my life and concetrate fully on my reputation as a ladiesman and heartbreaker. 

Leave Hogwarts as the one and only Sirius Black, the legendary Womanizer in the same way as Lucius Malfoy had branded himself Prince of Slytherin when he left two years ago. It would take over a dozen generations to forget him. He had branded his name alright. Probably on at least 5 students' skin.

I thought I had made it. Just like Lucius Malfoy. I thought my life was complete. I thought that my love for Remus was gone when I walked towards him with his back facing me as we all entered our last year at Hogwarts. And then... he turned around. And I was right back where I started.

I thought that I had only one more year to go and I would be free. I would buy my own house. Not depend on the James' parents anymore. Not see Remus so regularly thus my affection for the werewolf would fade. And I would be famous. My life would be spectacular. Full of fun, magic, one night stands and weekends with the Marauders who would, no doubt, go down into history.

But then… I fucked everything up. I moaned my beloved's name while having sex with Gertrude Ryeland, my female counterpart. The Dudenator of Hogwarts? Whatever you call a female womanizer who seduces men. Then I told Prongs everything. I even told him about my feelings for Remus... though not exactly willingly. He kind of tricked me... the son of a bitch. But he accepted it. He even offered to help me claim Remmie. He accepted everything… and I blew it by telling him my reputation was more important to me then my own heart. A self-pitying way of saying that no matter what I'll always be a Black. It's true.

I am Sirius Black. Son of Camille and Artemis Black. Older brother of Regulus Black. The Black Sheep of one of the wizard world's most ancient and pure-blooded families. I had betrayed my family... probably from the moment I was born. My mother always loved telling me that I had lacked the 'Black Heart' even as a baby and child.

I had betrayed my family by following my heart. I betrayed my family by ending up a Gryffindor. I betrayed my family by befriending James Potter. I betrayed my family by essembling the Marauders together with Prongs. I had betrayed myself by ignoring my feelings for Remus Lupin. I betrayed myself by choosing my reputation over my own heart. My mother was wrong. I _do _have a 'Black Heart'. It's just as black as yours mother dear. But unlike yours mine is still beating...

"So what is it that you want to tell me?" Remmie says. Looking at me. Probably wondering what on earth I blew up this time.

Remus Lupin. If he was never born I would've never been in this situation. If he was never born… I don't even want to think about it anymore. My mind says that it would've been so much more convenient for me if he had never been born. My heart tells me that I would've committed suicide years ago if he had never been born. Why? I don't know.

Maybe because it was Moony who calmed me down after another enraging discussion a.k.a. verbal battle with my mother. Maybe because it was Moony who wrapped his arms around me, smiled and told me it was alright to cry in such a fantastic way that I actually believed it when I had another nightmare. Maybe because it was Moony who seemed to love every little part of my. Every inch. Every aspect. Even the negative sides of Sirius Black he loved. My tendency to get offended and angry real quick. My tendency to judge people too quickly. My tendency to be selfish. My tendency to do stupid things when I _know _they could hurt people.Remus Lupin, do you have any idea what you do to me? I can't change who I am. I am a Black. But I can't change what I'm feeling for you either. I love you.

His eyes are now widening. Fuck. His eyes are shining with worry. I've been quiet too long. He knows something up. He looks at James real quick who shrugs and glares at me. But I can't move. Everything's paralyzed. I'm frozen. I think I'm in shock. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to choose. Remus or reputation? Remus or reputation?

My heart had chosen Remus Lupin.

My mind had chosen my reputation.

My soul had chosen Remus Lupin.

My Black instincts choose my reputation.

The marauder inside of me had chosen Remus Lupin.

The coward inside of me had chosen my reputation.

Remus or reputation? Remus or reputation?

"Remus?"

"Yes?" He says softly. I look uncertainly at James, who always gives me courage in these sort of situations. But the son of a bitch isn't even looking at me. Probably to prevent himself falling victim to my puppy eyes which Remmie taught me. I try not to sneer. It's my own fault Prongs not on my side this time.

"I…I," Say it. C'mon, Sirius Black, you can do it! Say you love him! Say he's your everything! "I…I… I can't. I… fuck." Yes you can, damnit! Do it! I know you can! "RemmieIloveyousomuchit'shurtingbutbecauseI'mafuckingBlackmyreputationofbeingawomanizerisimportanttoosoI'minaseriousdillemaherecauseProngsmademechoosebetweenyouandmyreputationbutIcan't. It'ssofuckinghardtomakeadecision. Idon'twanttheMarauderstosufferbecauseofthisbutIknowitwillandithurts. EverythingishurtingrightnowRemmie. Idon'tknowwhattodoanymore. Iwanttoloveyouandhaveyoulovemeinreturnsobadlybutavoiceinsidemymindtellsmemyreputationismoreimportantthenlove. PleaseforgivemeRemmieit'snotyourfaultit'sminebecauseI'msuchafuckingcoward. Iloveyoubut… I…I can't."

... What? What the fuck? What have I done? What have I said? That's not what I meant to say!

Fuck, I'm crying. Both Moony and Prongs are looking at me with shock imprinted on their face. They probably didn't understand a word I said but I don't care. I answered a question I have silently asked myself for years. And by answering that question I also answered so many others. James was right. I am a coward. I am pathetic. And worst of all… I am Sirius Black. And Blacks always choose their reputation…

Neither Moony nor Prongs said anything to me while I cried my heart out. The room was silent except for me trying to prevent myself from wailing like a newborn baby. Through my tears I tried to look at them.

I saw James looking at me with a look of utter disappointment. I guess he finally figured out the rushed rambling that came out of my mouth moments ago. Remmie is still looking as confused as ever and like he's debating on whether or not hugging me is a good idea or not. It isn't, Remmie. As much as I love it when you embrace me and comfort me it would only hurt me more.

After what seems like hours my tears finally ran out. My eyes and cheeks were sore from all the rubbing and wiping. My heart is beating painfully in my chest. Like it's punishing me for betraying it in the worst possible way. My mind is twisted, hurting and empty. The pure mind of a Black. My souls feels like it's decided that I'm not worth it's time anymore and ran out on me to find someone better to occupy. It hurts. It hurts so much.

"Remus? C'mon, let's give Sirius some time to himself. Maybe he can solve his problems and _maybe_ he might even make the _right_ decision for once." James said, giving me an ugly look. Being sympathetic to your fellow Gryffindor and Marauder, Prongs? Thanks. That's just what I need right now. Really makes me feel better. Your such a sweethearted son of a bitch, aren't you. I laugh bitterly.

I tried to force away the jealousy building up inside of me as I watch James put his arm around Moony's shoulder. But it wouldn't go away. No matter what I did my love for Remmie would always stay. Was I cursed? Did my mother put some weird hex on our family or on me that caused any betrayer of the Black family to feel immense emotional pain? No. it couldn't be. Andromeda never had a problem. She happily married Ted Tonks. Had a kid as well. Then why?

000

I figured Prongs had translated my dramatic speech to Remmie the minute I caught him staring at me weirdly the following morning. It wasn't a judging look. It wasn't a disgusted look either. Nor was it a hurt look. It was much worse. It was the look he always gave me when he couldn't understand me and was trying to figure me out. Like simply looking at me would hold the answer. I hated it. I hated it when I worried Remmie. I wasn't worth worrying over.

I was so caught up in my self-pity that I didn't even consider the fact that Gertrude Ryeland could have told the entire school about our little incident. But even when the thought crossed my mind I still couldn't care less. My life was ruined anyway. What could a rumour do to me? There have been so many rumours going around involving me I'll be surprised if anyone believes them these days. Well, maybe a couple of first years but they could never do any real damage. The only students who have ever done real damage in their first year were the Marauders. And the Marauders were no more. No, I'm lying. The Marauders still existed. They were just down on one member.

I couldn't look anybody in the eyes at breakfast. A lot of people were looking at me. My strange behaviour made many people wonder (loudly as well) whether the rumour was indeed true. James refused to sit next to me and sat down in-between Moony and Lily. The redhead was probably going to be my replacement. She fitted the description. Smart. Funny. Mischievous despite the fact that she denied it. I almost chuckled when an image of Lily's shocked face at getting her first detention flashed through my mind. She would make a wonderful Marauder.

Damnit, I wish Remmie would stop staring at me. It's unnerving and guilt is eating me away enough as it is. I need a distraction. Snivelus? No, not him. It'll only make Remmie angry and Lily homocidal. That's the last thing I need. I look over at the teachers. They're as boring as ever. Fuck. I need to get out of here.

I stand up and walk away. Ignoring the sudden silence and dozens of eyes staring at me. I feel sick. I break into a run the minute I'm out of sight. I have no idea where I'm heading but I don't care. I only stop when I bump into someone. I look up and I'm staring at in the face of the one and only Slytherin Prince, Lucius Malfoy. What's he doing here? People used to say he has a face like an Iron Maiden. I had only seen Lucius from afar so I always laughed saying people were overreacting. But now that I'm looking up at him (he's taller then me) I can see why.

My mother's eyes are vicious. They cut into people, leaving them afraid. Remmie's eyes are passionate. No matter what emotions are hidden inside of them he can hold an entire conversation with you with his eyes alone. Prongs' eyes are friendly. They invite people and make them feel comfortable. Peter's eyes are alert. His constant fear is always present in his eyes. Lily Lucius' eyes are unlike any I've ever seen. They are like a cage. They seem gentle and understanding but the closer you look the colder they become until you're frozen, trapped and can't look away until he's through with you.

"Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. If it isn't Sirius Black." He drawls smoothly. His face remaining impassive. "And here I thought that students had breakfast around this time."

If Remus is an angel. If James is a centuar. If Peter is a gnome. If Lily is an unicorn. If I am an incubus. Then Lucius is an elf. He looks like one. Fits the description perfectly. Clever eyes, feline facial features, slender body, long hair, elegant and superior aura. Is that the man I wanted to become? Am I really more of a Black then I thought I was?

My eyes are locked into his. Grey-blue versus pale-blue. Storm versus blizzard. I'm frozen. He's thunderstruck. Is this my role model? Is this the man I wanted to be like? No, I just wanted to leave behind a title like him. That's it. Right? I tilt my head and am unsure of what to do when he copies the move. I run my hand through my hair to test him and see if he's doing what I think he's doing. When he runs his hand through his pale blonde locks the same way I did I know he's copying me. A smile forces itself onto my lips. It's a small one but Lucius still catches it and copies it. I start to walk away. This time I'm too confused to be feeling down.

As I pass Lucius Malfoy I could've sworn he whispered something that sounded oddly like "we are like brothers, we are the same". I shiver and force myself not to turn around and see where the Slytherin Prince is heading. What on earth is he doing at Hogwarts? He graduated two years ago. When I hear his smooth voice I can't help but turn around.

My eyes widen as I see him greeting Elizabeth Collingwood. I try not to laugh as I see her freeze, look up at him and fall backwards with a _thump_. Lucius blinks at her, obviously not understanding what, or better yet, _who _had caused her to faint. I turn around again just before his icy eyes look up at me and the rest of the students come out of the majestic doors. But I still saw Prongs, Moony and Wormtail walking to Charms together, laughing at something Lily had said. Peters sees me first and doesn't seem to understand why I'm not walking beside them. Remmie follows and gives me a look which makes me wonder if he thinks I'm playing games with them. And last of all is James glaring venomously at me through his magnifyers... I mean, glasses.

James, the Marauder of Power. President of the Marauders. Status; pissed off.

Remus, the Marauder of Passion. Brains and peace of the Marauders. Status; utterly confused

Peter, the Marauder of Pretence. Merchant of the Marauders. Status; unaware of ongoing drama.

Sirius, the Marauder of Perfection. Co-president of the Marauders. Status; disowned a.k.a. dead.

_There's a silly little voice in my head, in my mind _

_Telling me to walk from all that I'm feeling _

_There's another voice inside my heart, inside my soul _

_Asking me why I'm downright decieving _

_myself _

_Baby, I need help _

_Save me from myself _

_I'm lost, can't you tell? _

_Belladonna Andromeda, R.I.P (Ripped Into Pieces) _

* * *

_LovelyChair_ – Thank you for your review. 'I Drove All Night', huh? Hmmm, never heard of it. Who sings it? Maybe I'll like it. I like pestering. At least it gets me moving. Bum fun? Hahhahaha, priceless. I owe Sirius, don't I? 

_Vikertee_ - Thank you for your review. It _is_ a big mistake. It ruined everything for poor Sirius. The rumour has spread but people are still doubting it, though Sirius' behaviour are making them suspicious. And we haven't seen the last of Gertrude Ryeland... or Miss Collingwood for that matter.

_Dear Queenie _- Thank you for your review. I like my Sirius too! He's adorable, isn't he?

_That-Golden-Snitch_ - Thank you for your review. Hahhahaha, you're right. Fuck is a beautiful word. It's erotic and relieves frustration. Sirius is in quite a predicament, ain't he? Remus is not so unaware anymore though. Who knows what our favorite werewolf is feeling.

_EowynSaule_ - Thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm bringing on the angst though so be wary. I'm trying to mix humor with angst but it's difficult sometimes and doesn't always fit. But I'm trying.

_Stinkin Sammie Jay_ - Thank you for your review. I'm happy you like my story. I love your enthusiasm. It makes me smile.

_Ishirua-kun - _Thank you for your review. Really?! I'm happy you still like it. I hope you this one too.

_CaptainOats12 - _Thank you for your review. It's not a song. It's a poem. All of them made by myself. I put my name under them so people won't get so confused. Hahaha, I'm glad you told me your favorite line of the story, I really am. I like an overreacting, fatherly, clever yet sinister when friends are threatened James.

_Slasharific _- Thank you for your review. You still like it? That makes me happy. I hope you liked this chapter as well. If not don't be afraid to tell me what I did wrong or what you didn't like.

_Riku-Rock _- Thank you for your review. I'm sorry to say that this chapter isn't as funny as the first two but I'm trying to mix humor with angst. It's difficult though. I'm so happy that you stated your opinion in your review. Hahha, it's kinda cute isn't? That Remus can ground Padfoot and Prongs.

* * *

Author's Notes – Alright, in order to clear some things I will tell you guys my view of the Marauders; 

James Potter a.k.a. Prongs. President of the Marauders. Leader and father-figure. Seeker and captain of the Gryffindor Quiditch team. Born leader and Head Prefect. Master in Transfiguration and Flying. Sucks at Astronomy, Arithmancy and History of Magic. Tallest of the Marauders. Second oldest. short, spiky, wild dark brown hair. Big, bright, fox-like hazel eyes which hide behind glasses. Thin but stronger then he looks and athletic thanks to his second favorite sport. Favorite being Snogging Lily.

Sirius Black a.k.a. Padfoot. Co-president of the Marauders. Rebel and badboy. Beater of the Gryffindor Quiditch team. Womanizer of Hogwarts. Seduction is his instinct. Master in DADA and Astronomy. Sucks at Arithmancy, Herbology and Divination. Second tallest of the Marauders. Oldest of the Marauders. Wavy black hair which are a little longer then shoulder-length. Almond shaped grey eyes which look haughty and bored. Athletic build thanks to his second favorite sport. Favorite being Remus Ogling.

Remus Lupin a.k.a. Moony. Brains and peace of the Marauders. Sweetheart and mother-figure. Great strategist thus masterminds most of the Marauders pranks though hardly participates. Fantastic at manipulation and favorite student of almost every teacher. Master in Arithmancy, DADA, Astronomy and Charms. Sucks at Care of Magical Creatures, Divination and Potions. Smallest of the Marauders. Second younger of the Marauders. Wavy sun-kissed blond hair which reaches his mid-back. Large intellectual golden eyes which easily betray what he's feeling. Slender and agile build thanks to his lycanthropy.

Peter Pettigrew a.k.a. Wormtail. Merchant of the Marauders. Decoy (when pranks are involved) and admirer (of the other Marauders). Great actor and liar against everyone but teachers and Slytherins. Also good at manipulation. Master in Divination and Herbology. Sucks at Arithmancy, DADA, Charms, History of Magic, Astronomy and Flying (and basically every other subject). Second smallest of the Marauders. Youngest of the Marauders. Short, barely-there dull light brown hair which looks rather... dead. Small, beady black eyes which make him look sneaky. Over-weight and slow-looking thanks to his lack of physical exercise.

If anyone wants to know what I think of the rest of the characters appearing in my story just ask. If anyone thinks the information I gave was boring tell me that too. I love it when people express their opinion in their reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

Classes were terrible. All the teachers were caught by surprise when they saw me sitting apart from the rest of the Marauders. Or should I just say Marauders? They kept giving me these strange looks until they couldn't take it anymore and asked me what was wrong. I just smiled and said that I needed more space for my ego to fit in. They didn't buy it. They didn't push it. I was left alone like I wanted. 

But the teachers weren't the only ones giving me weird looks. Every student in Hogwarts eyed me when I walked through the halls by myself and turned away as fast as they could when I caught them staring. It was driving me fucking crazy. Why couldn't they leave me alone?

In my last class of the day I finally found out why Lucius Malfoy was at Hogwarts. It seemed that he was assisting the current teacher of Defense Against The Dark Arts. Something he seemed to excel at. But worst of all was when I found out that we had double lessons with Ravenclaw. The house of Gertrude Ryeland. I was happy that she ignored me mostly but I had the uncomfortable feeling that she was talking about me with her friends.

"Mr. Black!"

I snapped out of my thinking state and stared stupidly at my teacher. I could see the Slytherin Prince smirking sadistically behind him at me. I wanted to curse him. Or punch his teeth out. Or, even better, both at the same time. That would be awesome.

"Yes?"

"Would you pay attention! Mr. Malfoy had been kind enough to tell us about a newly developed curse. This is the last time he's going to repeat himself. So listen!"

"Yes, Miss Huang." I said, knowing better then to anger her further.

She was Chinese. My DADA teacher. She was beautiful as well though a bit on the thin side. But she had the character like a Chinese Fireball or whatever those dragons are called. I had learned in a very painful way not to mess with her. It involved a lot of shouting and curses in uncomfortable places of the body I didn't even know I had. And that's all I'm saying.

"Do continue, Mr. Malfoy."

"Thank you. As I was saying the spell gaves you the ability to copy a sense, trade or ability of a specific animal. For example, my inner animal is an eagle so when I cast the spell it can grant me the ability to fly without a broomstick."

Boring...

"Mr. Black!"

"I'm listening!"

000

I can't believe I got detention! I wasn't even in my Marauder-mode and I _still_ got detention! I was, for once in my life, trying to be a good boy and she just... ARGH! Dragon woman, you shall go to hell. Mark my words. Even if I have to drag you there myself. It wasn't bad enough to give me detention for being depressed, was it? You had to get your precious Lucius to supervise me! An entire afternoon with that... GAH! Damnit all! My life just keeps on getting worse. I just can't _believe_ this shi-

"You're grounded."

I stop walking and grumbling when I hear those two words being said in the most beautiful voice in existence. Me? Grounded? Huh? Why? What did I do?! I didn't do anything!

I look around and see James staring open-mouthed at Moony who is looking disturbingly a lot like Miss Huang when she's breathing fire... I mean, yelling. I turn around fully, rather amused. I wonder what James did to get himself grounded. Peter is looking like he'd rather not be standing in-between them. Can't blame him really. Moony can get real fierce and Prongs has the tendency to blame whoever's closest to him for whatever he's done.

"Why?!"

"You know why."

"No, I don't. I didn't do anything."

"You did something to Paddle! Just wait until I get my hands on him. He'll be grounded for a month. Just like you!"

Oh no, better hide behind this tall person before Remmie spots me.

"A month!?"

"You lied to me! You said you weren't fighting!"

So James _didn't_ tell Remmie what had happened between us.

"We weren't."

"Then why is Paddle being so distant, huh? Why was he sitting in the other half of the classroom all by himself, huh? Explain that to me!"

Prongs has a look on his face that makes me chuckle. Like he's restraining himself from whining 'but mooooom!'. Mind you, I had that look stuck to my face numerous times. He'll say it eventually though. He can't stop himself for long.

"He was being an asshole. Worse! He was being a Black!"

"Like he has a choice! In case you didn't notice, Paddle _is_ a Black. You knew that when you befriended him!"

"But-but..." Here it comes. "But Moooooony."

"A _month_, James 'Prongs' Potter! Now where's Paddle!?"

I pull my head back instantly when Remmie starts looking around for me. I don't need detention. Just as less as I need being grounded. I think I deserved a sneak-visit to Hogsmeade after all I've been through!

"Grounded?" said a new voice from somewhere above me. I look up and to my total horror I had been hiding behind Lucius Malfoy. He looks amused. "Well, that's new."

I glare at him, hoping he's just a self-restraint person and secretly shivering in his shocks when he merely raises his eyebrows at my attempt to scare him.

"Don't you _dare_ move!"

Lucius chuckles. Probably finding the information about Remmie's ability to ground us hilarious. Well, it isn't. It sucks. He looks challenging at me. Okay, new approach.

"_Please_, don't move."

His smirk merely widens. Damnit. Stay put, you snake-eagle hybrid thing! As if... Lucius gives Remmie one impressed look before taking a big step to the left, leaving me totally exposed to Moony's eyes and attention.

"You!"

I blink nervously before looking around frantically, trying to find an escape, an exit, a saviour... _anything_ to save me from being –

"Grounded, Mister!"

Fuck!

000

There goes my plan of retreating until everything blew over and we could return to normal. I was currently sitting next to James on one of the couches in the Gryffindor common room with a feral Moony glaring at us.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." Prongs and I chorused.

Remmie's glare hardens. I can hear James gulp beside me and it takes me all of my physical self-control from not doing the same thing. This is going to get ugly.

"Don't you two give me that nonsense. Spit it out or I'll make you!"

"It was a stupid fight over who likes who. It's nothing really. We overreacted." James says in a rushed voice. I hope Remmie didn't catch it. I think Prongs was thinking the same thing. Hahhaha, a friend through and through, aren't you? No matter what the status of our relationship. Once a friend. Always a friend. Thanks, James.

"What? Does Paddle like Lily or something?"

"Or something." I state as quietly as I could but Remmie still heard it. Damn his werewolf senses.

"Then what's going on?"

"Padfoot here is in love with someone. Someone fantastic who'll be a downright great influence on him. Already is actually. And he rejected my help because he's worried about his reputation!"

What the hell? What happened to the 'no telling' deal we had?

"You're mad at Paddle because he won't allow you to help him?"

"No! I'm mad at him because he's putting his reputation, his ridiculous reputation, before his own fucking heart!"

"DON'T SWEAR!"

James and I flinch. If it's one thing Remmie hates it's violence. Physical violence. Verbal violence. Every kind of violence. It doesn't matter. Remmie strictly forbids it. He'll go hellspawn on our asses if he catches us swearing, fighting or anything similar. Werewolf or not Remmie's dangerous when angered.

"So," My angel continues, "You're mad at Paddle because he doesn't 'follow his heart'? is that it?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Paddle. Why are you mad at Prongs?"

"Wait!" James interferes before I could open my mouth. Good. Gives me some time to think up an answer. "Why don't you have a special nickname for me?"

What? Did I hear that right? Remmie and I eye James weirdly.

"What do you mean 'special nickname'? You're Prongs!"

"Yeah, but you always call Sirius 'Paddle'. Like a special, personal nickname only you can use. Why don't you have one for me?"

I can see Remmie shrug out of the corner of my eye while I'm still staring at Prongs suspiciously. Is he trying to get me jealous? Cause it's working. And I don't like it.

"Well, I thought you would mind. And I don't think Lily would like it if I did." My angel says.

"She wouldn't mind." James says quickly, smirking a bit. He _is_ trying to get me jealous! The bastard.

"Well, I _do_ have one for you. You want me to call you it out loud then?"

"Yes."

"Fine. From this day onwards I shall call you 'Pretzel."

Pretzel? That's a cuter nickname than Paddle!

"Okay." James states, smiling openly now. I repeat; the bastard.

"Back to the issue at hand. Paddle, why are you mad at Pretzel?"

I glare at Prongs, who's looking way too damn smug to be allowed before answering. You just wait. My revenge shall be sweet and involve Lily and numerous of embarassing situations.

"Because it's none of his damn bussiness whether or not I 'follow my heart'."

"You do understand that Pretzel's just trying to help you, right? He just wants you to be happy and to be honest I don't really understand why you're choosing you reputation, which _is_ ridiculous, over your feelings."

"Because I'm a Black and that's what Blacks do."

"Not good enough. Try again."

Damnit.

"Uhhmmm."

"Maybe," _Pretzel_ interferes. Again! Why does James get the cuter nickname!? "This is a good time to tell Rhapsody who the object of your affection is."

Rhapsody? He better not be talking about Remmie! I call him Rapunzel and I'm the only one allowed to give him a nickname! Stop grinning at me, you sneaky weasel! That should have been your inner animal. A weasel!

"I don't think that's a good idea." I sneer.

"You don't want to tell me?" Remmie asks, looking slightly hurt. Shit! Why me?! Why Remmie?!

"Well..."

"Is that what you wanted to tell me last night? Then I must say she has a very long and confusing name."

Damn your cuteness, Remmie! I glare over at Prongs but he's still grinning smugly at me. His golden earring, very similar to my own, is shining tauntingly at me. Fuck you, Potter. Everything's out to get me these days!

"It's..." Just say a name. Any name. Any name but Remmie's! "Prongs."

I did _not_ just say that...

_Let's pretend we're perfect _

_We are loved by everyone and have no flaws _

_Let's pretend we're warriors _

_We're powerful, undefeatable and slay every creature with claws _

_Let's play a game for eternity _

_Were there are no such things as winning or loosing _

_Let's forget to live _

_And ignore all those difficult things like choosing _

_Let's pretend _

_We're all perfection _

_We are mighty and free _

_To be who we'll always be _

_Now that's said and done _

_Let's have some fun _

_Be Gods for one day _

_C'mon, let's play... _

_Belladonna Andromeda, God's Play _

000

_tehfanglyfish _– Thank you for your review. I'm glad you like it. I don't know why but inspiration just keeps coming at me with this story. Usually I'm a slow cow but... Hey, a positive change, right?

_Jenny _- Thank you for your review. You likey? Thank you! I'm updating the chapter for _Womanizer_ faster then any other story. It's weird but totally welcome.

_LovelyChair_ - Thank you for your review. Your welcome. I'm grateful for every review I recieve whether good or bad. I searched the song and It's brilliant. You're right though Celine Dion's much better. I'm addicted to the song now... and it's driving my mother crazy having to listen to it every time.

_That-Golden-Snitch - _Thank you for your review. Yep, poor Sirius keeps getting himself into more and more problems. Remus is _still _totally aware. This isn't the last we've seen from Lucius Malfoy, Elizabeth Collingwood and Gertrude Ryeland! I'm so happy you like my poems. They just come out of the blue so sometimes I think it's too rushed or doesn't fit the chapter or something.

_EowynSaule_ - Thank you for your review. I have to say it. I can't hold back any longer. I really like your penname! It's so elegant. Or is it your real name? I'm glad you told me about Sirius' parents. I didn't know their real names were ever mentioned in the book. Then I again I haven't read the last one yet. Walburga and Orion? Hmm, I like Artemis and Camille better. It's more elegant but I gotta stick to the facts as much as possible. Again. Thank you for telling me.


	5. Chapter 5

I cannot see Prongs' what-the-fuck look. I cannot see Remmie's shocked face. I refuse to see it. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I had just said that I was in love with James. I refuse to admit I was actually stupid enough to say something so ... _stupid_ but I did. Damnit!

"P-Pretzel? You... like Pretzel? Oh dear lord, Paddle." Remmie says, once the shock had faded.

I'm going to fucking burst into tears, I swear to Merlin. I just keep digging myself a deeper and earlier grave. The more I talk the more trouble I get into and the worse my life becomes. I should just tape my mouth shut. It's so unfair. What have I done to deserve this?

"Do you mind if I call him Pretzel? I'll stop if it bothers you."

"No!" James says, eyeing me strangely. People seem to do that a lot these days. "He-he just lied, alright. He's just being childish right now. Tell Rhapsody the truth, _Paddle_."

I snap. Within less then a second my fist connects to his face. He drops to the floor. I jump off the couch and onto Prongs. My fists are flying everywhere. I don't think I've ever been this angry in my entire life. I can hear Remmie shouting but I can't make out the words. Then I feel a fist crashing into my left cheek. I fall backwards. I feel a weight on me but I don't need anyone pointing out to me that it was James' body.

"Stupefy!"

I freeze.

"Stupefy!"

Prongs freezes.

"Hey guys, I've been looking all over for yo- what in the world!" Peter announces as he bursts through the doors of the Gryffindor common room. "What's going on? Why are James and Sirius fighting? Why aren't they moving? Who's winning?!"

I want to scream that I was winning but I can't move. I'm staring into Prongs' frozen angry eyes and he's looking right back into my enraged ones.

"Move Peter. Are they fighting?! Let me see. Oh Merlin!" says a female voice. Lily, no doubt. Great. Now everyone's involved.

"It's not what it looks like!" Remmie tries.

"It's not? Oh in _that _case..." Lily says sarcastically.

"Okay, so it _is_ what it looks like. But still, I have it all under control."

"I can see that." I can practically hear her smirking.

I can move again. I push James off of me more brutally then was nessecary which caused Remus, Lily and James, once the stupify spell on him wore off, to glare at me. I looked away from them all, feeling betrayed for some reason.

Suddenly I feel hands on my shoulder. Small, soft, tender hands which destroyed every single negative emotion raging inside of me. I don't need to look up to know it's Remmie. Then his hands start moving, massaging my shoulders perfectly. Within mere seconds my mind goes blank and my body's tension dissapears. What I wouldn't do to stab my Black Heart, let the ink leak out, and be able to confess to you and hold you without struggling, doubting, fighting useless battles against myself. My Remmie. My Moony. My Rapunzel. My Angel. Why? Why must you do this to me? You're hurting me, Remmie. Can't you tell? Can't you see?

"So what's going on? Why did you two fight?" Lily asks her boyfriend as he start stumbling towards her. Hah, serves you right. Nobody mocks Sirius Black. And _nobody _calls me Paddle but Remmie.

"Lily, you're a girl. Maybe you're better at this than I am. Let's say a _certain_ womanizer was in love. Yeah? Okay. But he was raised in a family full of lunatics so his instinct tells him to put his reputation before his own emotions. What would you say or/and do to convince him what he's doing is ridiculous."

Lily blinks at her boyfriend before slowly turning her head to me. Is it that obvious James was talking about me? Oh god, she's stampeding towards me. Remmie, save me! I'm too young!

"I would tell that _certain_ womanizer that if he doesn't confess soon I'll be practicing my Bouncing Charm on him until he has a concussion." She says ferociously, looking me dead in the eye.

Damn, that woman's fierce. I blink and turn my eyes to Prongs who looking dreamy at his girlfriend. Damn you. I glance at Moony whose hovering above me (I'm sitting on the floor still, see). He's merely looking confused at me. Not understanding it anymore. Should I feel relieved that Remmie's so oblivious?

"But Paddle just confessed it was Pretzel." He says to Lily who blinks at him.

"Who?"

"Prongs."

"Who?!"

She _still_ doesn't know our nicknames? You should be ashamed of yourself, Lily.

"James."

"WHAT? James!? But I thought it was yo... someone else."

"It _is_ someone else! Padfoot's just being an assh... uh," James stops looking at Remmie's narrowed eyes, daring him to finish the word, "A dork."

All eyes, once again, turn to me.

"You know what?" I say, having had more then enough, I turn to my angel, "I love you, Remmie."

And I walk away. Giving up. Like the pathetic little coward I am...

000

I'm on my way to the DADA classroom for my detention with King Sadist. He might be better known as Lucius malfoy or the Slytherin Prince. My eyes are glued to the floor and my brain feels like it's going to self-destruct. A group of firstyears thought it would be funny to scream 'earthquake ahead' as loud as they could through the corridor. Not funny.

I had just confessed to Remmie... and walked away without saying another word or even waiting for an answer. I didn't even see his face when I said it. I turned around too quickly. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm confused. I'm in pain. I'm a coward. And someone up there is out to get me, I swear to Merlin. The whole world is out to get me!... except for maybe Remmie. He was just dragged into it. Thanks to my treacherous Black heart who decided he was the object of my affection around fifth year.

I finally reach my destination. I look at the majestic oak door before opening it... What the hell?! He isn't even here! Where's that Slytherun snake-hybrid sadistic prick?! I arrive on time for detention (for the first time in my life) and he's missing! Bastard. Might as well go to Miss Huang.

I leave the classroom and head towards her office, hoping she's not in her dragon gear when I get there. She always seems to be in that gear when I'm around. I hear voices. I stop and listen. They sound familiar. I recognize them. And I don't like it.

"So you haven't seen him?"

"I'm afraid I haven't, Mr. Lupin."

"But I thought he had detention with you?"

"He does and I am late. Partially thanks to you."

"But you said..."

"You asked me if I had seen him. I haven't. Now if you had asked if I knew where he was I would've said yes." Lucius Malfoy drawls.

"...Right. So can I accompany you?"

"I think not. Mr. Black has detention afterall."

"But.." Remus sounds nervous. I can't blame him though. The Slytherin Prince does that to people.

"Let me give you a message from him though."

Huh? A message? I didn't give him a message. I listen extra hard to catch this 'message' I supposedly gave him. But all I hear is silence. Oh. My. God. He killed Remmie!

"Mr. Malfoy!"

Oh thank Merlin. My love's alive! He sounded a little outraged and shocked though.

"Don't worry. He didn't expect a reply."

I'm confused. What happened? But when I hear footsteps I also hear my cue to leave and dash back to the classroom. I wait while sitting in the teacher's seat behind the desk. I've always wanted to sit here but that doesn't help my depressed mood. I want to know what happened. When Malfoy comes in I can't help but ask.

"What did you do to my Remmie?"

"_Your_ **Remmie**?" He repeats, smiling rather sadistically.

I can't help blushing at that statement either.

"What did you do? I didn't give you any message!"

"So rude. Shouting at people like that." He's eyeing my challengingly. The sick fuck.

"I don't care. Tell me what you did to him!"

"I kissed him."

"...What?" He did _not_ just say what I think he said. Did he?

"I said; 'I kissed him'."

Dear Merlin, he did!

"Why?" I whisper. I don't know if I should be feeling enraged or even more depressed. I need to use all the self-control I posses to prevent myself from punching Malfoy in the chin when he leans over the desk and smiles that sadist smirk of his before replying.

"Because ruining people's lives is my hobby. Especially people like you." He stand straight again. "Mr. Lupin is just an extra. A bonus. I wonder what he'll do when he sees his life falling a part bit by bit. Cry? Scream? Commit suicide? But enough about my hobby's. Let's start detention, shall we?"

"Did he like it." I ask, unable to stop myself. He couldn't have. He can't fall for Malfoy's tricks. He's Rapunzel. He's my little Remmie. He's too smart! He wouldn't do that to me. Right?

"I assume he did but one may never know when it comes to those filthy creatures."

That little sentence was like a thousand stabs to my heart. I can feel Malfoy's sadistic smirk on me despite the fact that I'm looking at my hands who are trembling like crazy. Fuck self-control. I stand up and the Slytherin Prince's smile fades slightly. You're going down, _Luciel_. It's one thing messing with a Black... but you crossed every line when he fucked with an angel.

_We come from a kingdom where sinners are slain_

_Where heroes shall rise once again_

_We hail from the land where everyone cares_

_Where no paradise can compare_

_We, who are called the bringers of light_

_And forced to abhor the night_

_Rules must be obeyed_

_Prices must be payed_

_Mercy's only for the one who get's it right_

_Bow your head low and silently sing_

_Believe in the creatures with wings_

_With no rights to freedom or simple reasons_

_We are not beings of perfection_

_Forget not that we have flaws_

_We can make no mistakes_

_Our laughter is fake_

_If we fall then you are the cause_

_Silently sing and bow your head low_

_Seen as the saviors with heavenly behavior_

_We died long ago..._

_Belladonna Andromeda, We Hear No Laughter (The Angel Theme)_

0000

_Riku-Rocks_ – Thank you for your review. Lucius loves ruining people's lives. Especially people like Sirius and James. But his role in my story isn't just to ruin Sirius' life. He's out to destroy many others. Yeah, I figured Remus is the peace to Peter, Sirius and James's chaos.

_mortitia3 – _Thank you for your review. Hahaha, Sirius has the tendency to do and say stupid things when he's feeling trapped. It's funny but sad at the same time.

_Stinkin Jammy Jay_ - Thank you for your review. _Blushes_, it makes me happy to know my story cheers people up. I'm very grateful though I can totally relate to the train thing.

_Jame's Fire_ - Thank you for your review. I'm happy you like my story. You're comments make me blush... and smile.

_Because I Need More Space - _Thank you for your review. Thank you! I can't believe so many people like my style of writing. Thank you so much!

_Slasharific ­_- Thank you for your review. I'm glad you found it funny. I can't picture them together either. They would be a menace to everyone, each other and themselves if that ever happened. The mere thought makes me shiver a little.

_LovelyChair - _Thank you for your review. Haha, yeah. At first I thought people would think it childish and a little over the top but I'm glad you liked it.

You guys keep me going. I'm so sorry for the long wait and I hope this chapter was worth it. It's not as funny as the other ones but I'm trying to mix angst with humor which is rather difficult. Please review and state your opinion as much as you can. Thank you guys so much. Love ya'll!


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, so my fight with Malfoy ended me in the hospital wing for four days. So what? He spend two! Okay, so Malfoy had been the smarter one and reached his wand instead of copying me and flinging his entire body onto me... It seemed like a good idea at the time, _okay_! Besides _Luciel_ had a broken nose and a broken rib plus a couple of nasty bruises. Me? The Sadist King had put some weird and pretty rare hex on me which rearranges the bones within a person's body. It hurt like hell. But not half as much as the lonliness.

The females of Hogwarts sure haven't forgotten me. I don't think I've ever seen so many heart-shaped boxes and anonymous pink letters. And still I was lonely because in all those four days none of my friends came to visit me. Not even Remmie. Maybe he was angry with me for getting into a fight. I dunno. But he could've at least sent me a letter or burst through the doors of the hospital wing just to give me a lecture.

I feel forgotten.

I'm on my way to Transfiguration trying my best to keep images of Malfoy kissing my beloved, marrying my beloved, strangling my beloved out of my head. But it took all my concentration. It's wonder I haven't walked into anything or anybody ye-

"OW!"

Che, I spoke too soon.

"Sorry." I mumble and try to make a dash before I get glomped or molested seeing as the person was female.

"BLACK!" Definately female but there's only one female in Hogwarts (except for maybe Miss Huang) who isn't affected by my good looks... and that's Lily Evans. But instead of turning around and answering I run faster. Big mistake. I hear her frustrated scream which resembles a T-rex's battle cry. How on earth could James get the idea that it sounds like a dozen angels singing? Don't ask me. I'm just as lost as you are. Then I freeze. Damnit. I'm really starting to hate the _stupefy_ curse.

"Sirius Orion Black!" I never thought Lily could make my full name sound like a horrible, forbidden swear word the same way my mother and Remmie do when they're angry with me. I don't envy James. She's vicious, mean and has the extremely annoying tendency to always be right. "How _could_ you?!"

I want to speak but I can't. I'm frozen and unable to move. Not being able to move has gotten worse now Lily's screaming in my face.

"You finally confess to Remus, I was _so_ glad that I almost SQUEALED, and then you-you _bastard_- ARGH- you just _leave_. How could you?! HOW _could_ YOU!? Do you have any idea how confused Remus is right now? Do you even care?!"

"YES, I CARE!" I shout in her face so suddenly the second I can move that she freezes just as suddenly as if I had put the _stupefy_ curse on her. "I CARE SO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT REMMIE! BUT FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T LET MYSELF LOVE HIM BECAUSE I COME FROM A FAMILY FULL OF ARROGANT, BIGOTED, EVIL DEMONS!"

I can't take it. I can't take this anymore. It's too much. It's just... I can't do this anymore. I can't keep fighting. I'm exhausted. So exhausted.

"I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THAT IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BECOME THE DEATH OF ME! IT HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH, LILY! THE LOVE JAMES HAS FOR YOU IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I FEEL FOR HIM!"

I'm sorry. But I'm so tired. Forgive me. I've given up. And I as I focus me eyes to someone behind Lily I see tears. Tears leaking out of beautiful amber eyes. Well what do you know. The sun's crying. My ears aren't catching any sounds. The earth's gone quiet. Me? I'm gone. I dunno. Maybe I'm dead. I feel dead. I feel empty. I feel exhausted. I feel my love for you growing stronger and stronger. Looks like not even death can stop me from loving Remus Lupin.

000

If I hate the _stupefy_ curse there's isn't a word in the universe that can describe how much I'm starting to hate the Gryffindor common room. This is the last time I'm allowing myself to be dragged up here just to be lectured by a person who looks fragile but has the character of a Manticore. Lily Evans is looking at me with an expression I've never seen before.

"What are you doing to yourself?"

I laugh. Stupid question, woman. I'm commited emotional suicide. What else?

"Sirius... please."

Whoa, Evans said _please_. I've never heard her say 'please'. Sounds like a alien word when she says it.

"Sirius... say something!"

No thank you. Talking is what landed me in this situation in the first place.

"Damnit, Black!"

Black is it now? Loosing your patience, are we?

"How about a deal?"

"Deal?" Okay, fine so that got me talking. So what?! It sounded interesting.

"Yeah, a deal. If you tell me what on earth is going on in that head of yours I'll give Lucius Malfoy a good hex for you. How about that?"

"Deal!"

"So start talking."

And so I talked...

"Sirius Black, you are the stupidest, most insensitive, selfish, arrogant, moronic, cowardly, vile, filthy, weird, wack, confusing bastard I've ever known!"

... Damn. Now I know _that_ was an insult.

"What?! I just confessed my deepest darkest secrets and thoughts to you and you call me a... those things?!"

"Yes! Because I thought you were scared of being rejected or afraid that Remus liked somebody else or that he didn't like you but wouldn't mind still being friends! I thought James was overreacting when he said you wouldn't tell Remus you're feelings because you're worried about your womanizing reputation! You-you-you-"

"Asshole?" I suggest.

"ASSHOLE!!"

Well, I'm glad she at least took my suggestion.

"I know what'll cure you, Black." Lily says, eyeing me like some monstrous predator. Oh dear Merlin help me! "A good beating!"

"Wait!" I scream as she looks ready to strike, "How about another deal?"

She looks suspicious. Don't know why.

"Go on." She says finally.

"Okay, give me one good reason why I should tell Remus my feelings and throw away my reputation, which is important to _me_, within two hours and I'll... I'll help you convince James that you want you're honey moon in France and not Holland. Why not Holland anyway? It's cool."

"It's cool alright. Cold as hell." She states as she's thinking it over.

"But hell is hot." I reply smirking.

"Don't give me that, Black. You- Hey! How do you know we're planning on getting married after school ends!?"

"James told me."

"I wanted it to be a surprise!" She whines. Oh no, I'm no good with complaining women. She growls at me when I don't give her the support she wanted from me. She's a lion alright.

"But anyway, you've got yourself a deal, Black. Wait here." And she dashes to the portrait.

"Hold it!" I yell. "No involving Rapunzel!"

"Who?"

"Moony!"

"Who?!"

... Haven't we had this conversation already? Or is it just me?

"Remmie!"

"WHO?!"

I stare at her disbelievingly and glare when she smirks. Very funny, Evans.

"Yeah, yeah. No involving Remus. Got it. Wait here. Don't move." And she's gone.

She can't possibly find a way to convince me. She... damn, I'm in trouble.

000

I can't believe this. I see it... but I don't believe it. Right now, I'm looking at Lily Evans who is beaming at a Gertrude Ryeland sitting beside her in the Griffyndor common room. How did she manage to get her in here? _Why_ is she here in the first place!

"Evans.." I say, daring to sound threatening. Hell, I can be a monster when angered!

"Don't worry, Black, I already know all about the you-moaned-someone-else's-name thing."

"Then why is she here?!" I hiss, trying not to kill Ryeland with my ultra sonic Black death glare. Must resist. Damn, I'm glaring... and she's not whimpering. Are females immune to my glares or do they find it incredibly sexy like the rest of me or something?

"Can I say something?" Ryeland asks, looking me dead in the eye as if she were some sort of therapist. "First of all; I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I say, still suspicious. Fuck, I have every right to be! Two of Hogwarts' meanest girls have ganged up on me!

"I'm sorry for telling the entire school that you moaned Remus' name, alright. It- Look, I thought you were mocking me. I thought it was some kind of sick joke you were pulling to make me feel bad. But now that I know it wasn't... I apologize. Second-"

"But who told you it wasn't a jo-"

"SECOND of all!", alright I get it, no interrupted females during speeches, "I've been there."

"Been where? Holland?"

"Holl- No! I've been in your situation!" She says as if it's the most obvous thing in the world. Well, it isn't. I still don't get it.

"What are you talking about?"

"I've been in love with someone I thought I couldn't afford loving because of my reputation."

"...What?" I'm really trying to ignore Lily who's looking way too smug for my liking.

Ryeland sighs before continueing. "I loved someone, I still do in fact, but I, like you're about to do, choose my reputation. It was the biggest mistake of my life."

"You're lying." No way, that can't be true what she's saying. It's too- there's too much coincidence, damnit!

"No, I'm not."

"Who?"

"What who?" She's starting to get annoyed.

"Who did you love?"

"Elizabeth Collingwood." She admits after looking away.

When I don't reply because of my shock, she continues.

"I confessed to her before turning away and decided that my reputation as a man-eater was more important. She thinks everyone's just playing with her heart when they ask her out ever since. It didn't just ruin me, Black! It ruined her as well! Don't do this!"

"B-but-bu-but-" No way. No fucking way! This can't be true. She's lying!

"And third."

Both Evans and me look at her as she makes a dramatic pauze. Women. Such drama-queens.

"You guys are _so_ cute together!" She squeals.

...huh?

"I know!" Lily shouts in agreement.

...huh?

"I mean, Sirius, that's you, are the big bad boy rebel with the dark past and Remus is the cute, nerdy, little angel who as innocent and naïve as they come!" Ryeland says dreamily.

"And-and they are like the sun and the moon. Remus looks like the sun but his calm character represents the moon and Sirius looks like the moon but his fiery personality resembles the sun!" Lily smiles with starry eyes.

... oh Merlin. This is the kind of fan girls I've never seen before in my life. They're kind of scary. How to deal with them... Okay, I give up. I dunno.

"And the secret smiles!"

"And secret nicknames!"

"And the way they look at each other when they think nobody's looking!" Lily says finally and they both sink into the couch opposite of my, staring dreamily at the ceiling.

Oh boy... Wait. Remmie's been looking at me? A stupid, goofy smiles comes out of nowhere and latches itself onto my face.

"Remmie... has been looking at me?" And I can't help running my hand through my hair to see if it still looks good in case he comes in. The two girls in front of me look at me disbelievingly.

"Like _duh_!" Ryeland says. Keh, Ravenclaws. Stupid know-it-alls.

When I'm about to reply a hurricane blasts through the doors shouting; "Lily!"

"Yes, James?" His girlfriend replies much calmer then him.

"Did you see?! Lucius Malfoy's floating around the Great Hall! And nobody knows how to get him back down. He's screaming himself hoarse! It's hilarious!"

I wonder who could've done that... I cast Lily a grateful look and she gives me a wink in reply. This wink gets the attention of Mr. Hurricane. He turns to me and frowns but before he even has the chance to say something nasty I give him a rugby greeting and headbutt him in the stomach.

"OW!" That's the second time I floored somebody today. Go me! I don't know why but something has made me extremely happy. Maybe the possibility that Remus loves me as much as I love him?... Nah, that couldn't be it. _Sarcasm!_

"James! My hero! My bestest bestest friend! How are you, mate?"

"...fine?" he says, frowning with worry at me as I pull him and myself off the carpet. I ignore the concerned look he sends the two females whispering behind me but they merely giggle, leaving Prongs as confused as ever.

"So... Where's Rapunzel?"

"Rhapsody?" I elbow him in the stomach. He gets the hint, I hope, as he rubs his tummy.

"He's coming."

"Who's coming?" Ryeland asks.

"Rhapso-" I stomp his foot, "OW! Remus." The girls squeal as James nurses his sore foot and I'm planning my approach.

Smooth, gentleman-ly and charming? No. How about shy, naïve and innocent? No. Maybe casual and a little non-caring? No. Okay, how about-

"Sirius!"

I snap out of my thinking state as a choir of angels called my name. Remus is standing in the doorway with a surprised look. Before I'm even given the chance to say _his_ gorgeous, wonderful, heavenly name he tackles me, unbeknownst to himself, getting James some revenge at the same time. The tackle transforms into a hug within seconds. Well, what do you know. He's forgiven me.

"Remmie? Rapunzel?"

"I-I thought Malfoy had damaged you beyond repair!" He cries. "I wasn't allowed in because you had detention and attacked a temporary staff member. So they forbid all your preferable visitors from coming! I was so worried and angry and confused that I grounded Malfoy instead of you!"

"Remmie, you... wait... you grounded Malfoy?!!"

"Yes." My angel says as he pulls away. He looks confused at my (and probably everyone elses) gaping. "What?"

"You grounded _Malfoy_?" James repeats with wide eyes.

Remmie looks confused. "Yes. Why?"

"That's brilliant!" I say, beaming at Moony who still doesn't understand why we're so impressed.

"Hilarious." James states.

"Unbelievable!" Claims Peter who just came through the door.

"Amazing." I say, wanting to prove I'm more impressed that everyone else.

"Spectacular!" James says. Is he challenging me?

"Wonderful." Peter decides to join the competition.

"Extraordinaire!" Ha, I've got another one.

"Astonishing!" Okay, now I'm getting angry.

"Admirab-"

"Down right expected of Remmie!" I roar. Take that, damnit.

Remmie looks amused. So does James. Peter just looks confused.

"As I was saying," I continue with a blush, "Uhm, Remmie?"

"Yes?"

"I-I," Oh no, not this again, "I-I-"

"Love you too!" Remus exclaims, giving me a bone-crushing hug.

"...Well, that was easy." I say, feeling light and better then ever in my life as the entire room cheers.

And we all lived happily ever after.

000

I spoke too soon. Remmie and I, more me then Remmie actually, still had a problem. And that problem went by the names of Lucius Malfoy and the female population of Hogwarts. Ryeland told me that I worried too much and that the girls were bound to react in the same way she and Lily did... But that's exactly what's worrying me.

I don't know much about Lucius Malfoy but I do know one thing; he's a sore loser. He _hates_ losing and he'll be damned before this is the end. But guess what _Luciel_, I've given up for the last time. I've got him now and I ain't letting go. I'll be burning in the flames of damnation before I do. Come what may. We're here to stay.

"Aren't we, love?" I ask Remmie even though I know he doesn't have a clue what I'm going on about. Though my angel's so smart and knows me so well that he just might know what I'm talking about.

"Of course, we are." Remmie replies smiling. See?

_All the things I say and all the things I was planning to do_

_Aren't working cause I never said or done it in the first place_

_And all the reasons I confessed why I love you_

_Are obviously failing cause I never told you why I feel this way_

_My little love,_

_I can't stop loving you no matter how much I try_

_I'm confusing myself when I refused to go for you_

_So let's start loving or something and head to paradise_

_Cause there's not a single word in existence that can explain_

_How much I love you, baby_

_Yes, I was stupid and lost_

_And utterly confused_

_Yes, I was selfish and cowardly_

_For denying myself of you_

_I'm obsessed in love_

_This isn't just a fling_

_I love you so much it's hurting_

_And the pain won't stop_

_It had my enemies laughing_

_So lets get together and become you and me, please_

_Let's be together until we're both dead and buried_

_My darling, lets get married_

_Become our own version of James and Lily_

_Lets get together and become you and me, please_

_Belladonna Andromeda, O.I.L (Obsessed In Love)_

0000

Before I reply to my reviews I have to say this; NO, the story is not over yet. There's still more to come. Thank you.

_Vikertee_ – Thank you for your review. Oh my god, I'm so happy you actually think my story's funny. It's very hard because not every person has the same humor. And the angst is hard to mix with humor to but from what I hear I'm doing pretty good. Malfoy is just a bastard. Sirius is just an idiot. Sorry, it's the only excuse I got. _Blushes_.

_Slasharific_ - Thank you for your review. Aww, you depraved yourself from sleep just to read my story? I'm glad you like their nicknames. James' nickname wasn't planned so it's a little weird... but cute. Definately cute. But I agree. Pretzel's got nothing on Paddle.

_That-Golden-Snitch_ - Thank you for your review. You made me blush. So many compliments to absord. Thank you! I hope you still like it. And I'm really glad you like my poems.

_tehtanglyfish - _Thank you for your review. You really think I'm balancing the humor/angst well. Ah, thank you.

_crazychick23 - _Thank you for your review. I'm really glad you like my story. I put Lucius in there just to blacken Sirius' life a little more (ignore the pun, please) and to give everyone someone else to hate. I don't know about everyone else but I love hating characters. Especially when bad things happen to them. Aw thanks. That's awesome that you actually quoted a sentence from my story in actual conversation.

_Of Apples and Honey_ - Thank you for your review. Oh my, so many continues. I'm really glad you like my story. I hope it's still too awesome.

_mokubahv - _Thank you for your review. I hope you liked this chapter as much as the other one.

_Paige and the Loguacious Table - _Thank you for your review. I'm so happy you like my poems! Yes, I do make them myself. Sometimes I make them while listening to music and I change to lyrics to suit a character in one of my stories. I'm glad you dislike a slutty Sirius. Sirius belongs to nobody but Remus. By the way is Loguacious an actual word? Cause I've never heard of it.

_JammyTart333 - _Thank you for your review. I updated... Not as fast as I could but... uh,, aah, I'm out of excuses... forgive me!

_SweetWillowTree_ - Thank you for your review. Ahh, shucks. _Blush_. I'm so happy you like my story and poems. Yes, they are all mine. Some of them I put on under the name _sphinx_. Oh, one made you teary-eyed? Is that good or bad?

_Riku-Rocks - _Thank you for your review. Yup, Sirius is keeping is anger bottled up which isn't good for the rest of Hogwarts. Someone might get hurt. Like Malfoy. Or himself. As for Malfoy being a bastard.. it runs in the family I think. I know! Remus is awesome. I hate to admit that tenses are my biggest enemies when it comes to writing. But I don't have a beta and I can't always find my own mistakes. Sorry. I'm glad you also think that I'm capable of mixing humor with angst/drama well.

_EowynSaule__ - _Thank you for your review. More then usual? Is there a reason for that? Can I know? Please, please!

_Stinkin Sammy Jay - _Thank you for your review. Aww. Thanks... you rock too. Ya'll keep me going!

_LouisaB - _Thank you for your review. Weird? For liking 80's music? Well then I'm weird too. I just like some versions better then others sometimes. It's rare when I don't like the original but when it comes to _I Drove All Night_ I must say that I like Celine Dion's best. But I must ask you though; I noticed that you reviewed this at the third chapter, does this mean you still likey or...

000

I have the feeling that people really liked the fact that Luciel kissed Remmie or is it just me? Anyway, I love you guys and I hope you still like the story!


	7. Chapter 7

"Sooooooo…" James says.

"So?" I ask.

"Sooooooo…" James repeats

"So what?"

"Sooooo-"

"JAMES!"

"Yes, Lily of my life?" Prongs swoons to the redhead with heart-shaped eyes.

"Get to the damned point!" It makes me so happy when she's not screaming at me. I just wish Prongs would react like any other sane person and fear for his life instead of drooling over her 'flaming feline green eyes filled with grace and passion'. And people think the prat can't be romantic. Well, he can be (when Evans isn't around) but the redhead's mere presence is enough to knock all logic sense out of Prongs. I know since _I'm_ the one who had to hear each part of Miss Evans being decribed by Shakespear Junior in fullest detail. And people wonder why I turn more insane over the years.

"So," James says, managing to drag his eyes away from 'the porcelain face sculpted by the gods'. "Don't you need to _tell_ me anything?"

"No." I reply instantly, already knowing what he's going on about. "You're a crappy matchmaker."

"What?! I – And you – Because of _my_ help!" He stuttered at me.

"Oh yap yap yap. Stop whining. You only made it worse. But your awesome stuttering reminded me of something though. Thanks, dipshit." And I clap him on the shoulder. Much harder then I was supposed to but I still haven't forgotten that he called me 'Paddle'. I strut towards Miss Evans, whose character is suspiciously similar to Miss Huang's; The Dragon Empress, while gathering all my courage.

"Evans, you really helped me. I owe you all of my happiness and for that I thank you, you scary witch you!" And in suicidal moment, I embrace her as friendly as I could. When I release her and shoot James a smug look while he impresses me with his flabbergasted on I'm surprised to find a blushing and starry-eyed Evans staring back at me.

"Oh! You're so welcome! And if _any_ of the other students are bothering you or Remus... send them my way." And to add the finishing touch to my heartattack, she giggles. Like _giggles_. Lily Evans does _not _giggle... unless she's in her foreign-fangirl-I've-never-seen-before mode. Oh wait... Shiiit.

"So it's okay to hold, like, hands and stuff if you want to, Sirius. Gertrude and me will make sure nobody does or says anything nasty. Lizzie wants to help too." She continues, giving me another heartattack by saying 'Sirius' instead of the usual spat of 'Black!'.

"Lizzie?" Better not let her notice my shock. She might switch back into a witch. Get it? Switch/witch. Hahahaha?... Forget it.

"You know her. _Lizzie_. E_liz_abeth Collingwood?"

"She's going to help _me_ fend off irritating little pests? She needs help herself!" I snort unbelievably.

"Shut up and take it for granted!"

"Yes, ma'm!" The resemblance between Evans and Miss Huang is abnormal...

000

I haven't been afraid of Lucius Malfoy, King Sadist and Prince of Slytherin, since that faithful day. Since that marvelous, spectacular day. The day Remmie and I got together. The day I found out my darling had the power to ground the bastard of blond. I have to admit I've never loved my angel's me-werewolf-you-insect look more then when I saw Malfoy actually looking _nervous_ as my boyfriend (Merlin, I _love_ that word) fixed him with the gaze he usually uses on James or me... or both. Usually both... Ok, _fine_ – usually me! But that's going to change! I am now Remmie's boyfriend and I am sure my angel's very happy with the replacement he's got.

Though I have to admit Malfoy's clever and him being a temporary staff member has it's disadvantages. But not even those two facts can stop Remmie from glaring down the evil one if I tell he's been pestering me again. I so luv it when my angel turns into a dominatrix... mmmmmmm. Where was I again? Oh yeah. Like I was saying the days of me fearing Malfoy have vanished – dissapeared – sailed away... you get the idea. But, like Malfoy's replaced me in the honor of being grounded by Remmie, Malfoy's also been replaced in honor of being feared by me. Fangirls. Not the Sirius-I-love-you-! fangirls. No. The Oh-my-god-you-guys-are-_so_-cute-together-! fangirls. They come to us, all blushy and smiley, and tell us how happy they are for us. If that was all they did then it wouldn't be so bad seeing as there are only so many of them but noooooo... They _have_ to follow us until they can't, talking about how perfectly we fit together in every single detail (not that I don't agree), then sigh and squeal and giggle before talking about things I've never heard of in my life. I didn't know so many people knew Chinese! Or was it Korean? Anyway, what the hell does 'Yaoi' mean? And who the _hell_ are 'seme' and 'uke'? And since when does 'slash' have a meaning I've never heard about?

"I mean you two are _just_ as perfect together as Yuki and Shuichi! You know them?" A rather tall brunette tells her friend, completely ignoring the fact that Remmie and I haven't answered any of her questions. We didn't even have the chance. Damn, that girl can talk.

"No, Bianca, more like Naruto and Sasuke! And of course I know Yuki and Shuichi!" Her skinny blond friend says impatiently before turning to another blond girl next to her.

"Personally, I think they're more like Iason and Riki from _Ai No Kusabi_. I mean c'mon! Naruto and Sasuke aren't even really together!... though I wish they were."

... I can't take it anymore. I grab my stunned angel's hand and dash. I don't care about Nazita and Salima or Eric and Rick or You and Shimi... or whatever the fuck the names were! I care about us and the fact that none of these girls are giving us any privacy!! I mean, shit, those girls stole all the time we had between classes. Always waiting outside the door to blabber on about things I couldn't care less about.

"Finally!" I scream when we reach the classroom of DADA.

"Be nice, Siri. They only want to express how happy they are for us." My angel says.

"Yes but after that they always talk about things neither of us could give da- uh, cent about?" I finish lamely.

Remmie rolls his eyes and kisses my cheek making them burn at the exact place his lips had been. But my love-sick mood quickly vanishes when I realize we don't have the same seats in this class. Damn.

"Now class... shut your traps." Miss Huang hisses. Wait. She's Chinese! My hand shoots up instantly.

"Yes, Black?" The dragon roars. I can't help it. I've _got_ to know!

"Miss Huang... what's Yaoi?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because these girls have been talking about it constantly since Remmie and I got together."

The DADA freezes before smiling dreamily. You have _got_ to be kidding me. "Why didn't you say so! You want to sit next to your, _giggle_, boyfriend?"

"Uh... yes." I manage to say despite my absolute shock. What the hell? "So... what's Yaoi again?"

"The secret fantasy of every woman." The (apparently) tamed dragon replies mysteriously. Riiiiiiight.

Well at least I can sit next to Remmie.

_Long live Yaoi! _

_Long live Yaoi! _

_We are the kings _

_Revived – reloved _

_So down to your knees _

_Oh, we're immortal _

_Long live Yuri! _

_Long live Yuri _

_Praise the glamorous _

_Decade of us _

_Sing to your queens _

_Oh, we're eternal _

_Belladonna Andromeda, Lo.Li.Lo. (Long Live Love) _

0000

_I've been neglecting my stories, I know. I'm so sorry. The chapter's also pretty short and I apologize for that too... And for the fact that it might not be as entertaining as the others. I also promise I'll reply to your reviews next time. I'm afraid that time is still running away from me every time I try to make some. Please forgive little ole me. PS; I know most of the people didn't even exist at that time but I was running out of idea's. If anyone has any suggestions then they are totally welcome._


	8. Chapter 8

"Sooooooo…" James says

First kisses. Of course I've already _had_ my first kiss... and much more firsts but the point is that I haven't had my first kiss with Remmie yet. He's kissed me on the cheek, on my forehead and on my eyelids but it's like he's waiting on me to kiss him first. The sneaky little...

To be honest I _really_ want to kiss him but for some reason I freeze every time I try to lower my face to his. It's like I'm afraid of rejection or that he'll think I can't kiss well which is stupid because first of all he's my boyfriend so I have absolutely no reason to be afraid of rejection (he pursued a relationship with me because he likes me back... I hope) and second of all because plently of girls have told me that I've been their most wonderful kiss. But I still can't seem to find the courage to just get it over with an swap spit with my beloved... Swap spit? Damn, I'm romantic when down.

Anyhow, I've been plotting for days now, yes _days_, and I _still_ haven't come up with anything. I mean, c'mon! How hard is it to kiss your boyfriend who I've been molesting with my eyes for years! The thing is that not only the inner coward in me has reared it's hideous head again but Remmie has noticed me acting odd. It wouldn't have been that bad if he hadn't immediately gone to James and told him every detail about it. That scene was a major deja-vu of the "Papa Prongs and Mama Moony" thought I get every time things like that happened. And James, like expected, went straight to Lily for advice and now their both stalking me!

"So Padfoot... How has your day been so far? You look a little irritated. How come?"

You really don't want to know, Prongs. Seeing as you're the reason and you're redheaded pet dragon.

"Sirius, we know something's been bothering you. Remus told us and he's never wrong."

Now _I _don't want to know how many times people've been asking me that. Should I tell them? James had to give Lily this 'first kiss' thing too, right?

"Kisses."

"Now I know you're a player, Padfoot, but this is going a bit too far. First of all you're with Rapso- I mean Remus and second of all Lily's _my_ girlfriend. And me your best friend."

I stare at him. Lily's shaking her head at her boo's silly misunderstanding.

"And me think you stupid, aboogabooga wilma." I say mockingly.

"Honestly, James, for someone so smart you can really say some stupid things." Lily aids me.

"Yeah, Prongs, you dissapoint me." And I shake my head.

"Oh shut up. I was joking." James says, turning away beatred.

"Sure, you were. But back to the point. I want to kiss Remus but I don't know how."

"Well, you grab him gently by the shoulders and press your lips softly to his. French kissing however-"

"I know _how_ to kiss. I just don't know how to kiss Remmie."

"Like any other person."

"Prongs, do me a favour will you? Shut up. You know what I mean right, Lily?"

"Of course I do. I understand this is, what's the right word, _new_ to this. But James is actually right this time. You do realize that Remus is your boyfriend for a reason, don't you?"

"But what if he doesn't like how I kiss?"

"I highly doubt that."

"Oh?" James interrupts.

"Oh please, with the amount of girls he's been through he's bound to have some experience."

"Yeah, but in case you haven't noticed... Remmie is NOT a girl."

"I'm well aware of that, thank you very much. But what makes you think Remus likes kissing differently then those girls?"

"... wait, let me think about that one." I'm a coward. I know. When it comes to Remmie all my confidence just evaporates. It sucks.

"Well, Remus is a very understanding person so you could try telling him how nervous you are and maybe he can help to boost you're confidence."

Is that woman a mind reader or did I say that out loud?

000

"Rapunzel?"

"Yes, Paddle?"

"Can we talk for a moment?" I can do this. It's nothing. Just say it. I'll be glad once I've said. C'mon!

"Well, I-"

"Oh, is this about your Transfiguration homework? Don't worry. I'll help you."

"No, it's not that. I've already finished it."

"Potions? You know I'm no good at that."

"No, it's abou-"

"History of Magic. You really should take some notes yourself instead of always stealing mine. And don't call it borrowing because you never ask."

"...Uhm. It's almost finished but that's not it."

"Did you get into detention?"

"No."

"Fight with Mr. Malfoy?" His eyes fire up. Damn, my baby rocks!

"No! It's got nothing do with school?"

"Are you bored? Why don't you play chess with Petter? You might win this time."

Why? Why does it have to be so difficult to talk to him now? Why is he making it so difficult? I'm gonna burst into tears. I wanna kiss you Remmie...

"Well, why didn't you say so?"

"Eh?" Rapunzel is smiling brightly at me in a way that brightens up the entire room... or maybe it's just me, "I said that last part out loud, didn't I?"

"You have a horrible tendency to think out loud, love." Remmie replies, nodding sympathetically. "But that isn't important right now. What about my kiss?"

"Kiss? Oh right, kiss. Uhm, how does that go again?" Oh no, not this. Not now.

"Well, you can sit next to me for one."

"Right." I wish my legs would stop shaking. "I'm nervous... just so you know. Just a little though."

"That's okay, Siri. I'm nervous too."

"Silly, isn't it? Being nervous about kissing your own boyfriend. I mean, c'mon, we actually should've kissed _before_ we got together. That would've made this a lot easier. Cause like now I'm rambling and it's really annoying, I know and... Fuck it."

Remmie opens his mouth to protest against my choice of language but goes heavenly silent when our lips touch. My little werewolf's lips are so soft that it's like I'm kissing clouds, I kid you not. I actually feel special when a hand so much more smaller then my own strokes my cheek and settles itself in my hair. We pull away together and for a second my eyes lock with golden suns before my cheeks heat up and I look away. Then I hear a suspicious _click_. My head turns to the direction of the noise and I can't believe my eyes when I see a smirking Lily Evans holding a camera, winking at me before dashing out of the room.

Both Remmie and I sit on my bed for several seconds before I decide it's now or never; "So how about French kissing?"

000

"Psssst, did you know? Sirius Black is gay for that Lupin kid. Yeah, I didn't believe it at first either until I saw them holding hands and calling each other pet names."

"Well, _I _think it's cute."

"_Cute?_ Have you lost your mind, Gertrude? Sirius Black is the womanizer of Hogwarts! He shouldn't be gay! Think of how many girls are going to feel horrible about themselves that they were test subject for a teenage male unsure of his sexuality."

"Oh please, if it takes Sirius being with another guy to get those girls to realize he was never interested in anything except their body then us females should be ashamed of ourselves."

"But..."

"No buts, Cynthia, you know I'm right."

"As much as I love to be the subject of girls' conversations I prefer to be seen in a more positive light." I interrupt them.

"Yes, girls, like Cynthia for example, tend to exaggerate a lot so if my Siri is put into conversation negatively it could do horrors to his confidence. If this keeps up and Griffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff start hating him his parents might even want him back!" Remmie aids me.

"You two look awfully happy." Gertrude says with a smirk.

"Why of course. We did just have the most amazing snog session. Shame you missed it. You might get an idea though if you're nice to Evans."

"I doubt you actually have to be extra nice to her though. She's going through girls faster then Sirius did in his womanizing days to show them. A living thunderbolt that girl."

"Personally I think she resembles a dragon but a thunderbolt's dangerous too, I guess."

Gertrude's giving us an amused look while her friend looks torn between running away screaming and squealing with a blush. She decides on the latter one.

"Oh my god! You guys are-"

"So cute together?" Remus and I chorus.

"Yeah, we figured as much." I say with a smirk.

"So what is Lily showing the girls?" Gertrude asks curiously.

"This!" Evans screams, appearing out of nowhere. She reaches in her schoolbag and shoves a photo in Gertrude's face.

"I want a copy!" She says immediately.

"Me too!" exclaims her friend.

"Hey, hold on a minute! This is an invasion of our privacy, you know?" I say, feeling rather offended.

The three girls look at me then each other and finally at me again. "Yeah. So?" They state as one.

"I agree with Sirius. One picture is alright but it'll become very awkward for us if we see girls walking about with a picture of us kissing in their manicured claws."

"Yes, I'm sure that would be quite odd. But as the protectors of your love Gertrude, Lizzie and I surely deserve a reward of some sort?"

"In the form of photo's of us together?" I ask incredulously.

"Why not?"

"Because it's kind of disturbing?" Remmie says unsure of how dangerous these girls can be.

"Don't worry. Next time, you two won't even notice me taking pictures."

"Thanks for the reinsurrance, Evans." I state sarcastically.

"Don't pull that with me and I told you to call me Lily."

And she, together with her nutcase group, turned around and left, giggling like mad. Why me? Is it to much to ask for a normal life?!

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Should I be worried?"

"I'm not sure."

Who am I kidding? I'm the black sheep of the infamous Black Family, who got sorted into Gryffindor. I'm known as the Heartthrob of Hogwarts... or used to be anyway. I'm in love and have a relationship with a werewolf and yet the cutest thing on earth. And last but not least my best friends' girlfriend has founded a 'we love a gay Sirius and Remus, especially when you put them together' club. But isn't life wonderful?

_You're slightly beautiful_

_You're slightly wonderful_

_You're slightly special_

_You're slightly magical_

_You're slightly miraculous_

_You're slightly fabulous_

_So, I guess, these are the reasons who make it true_

_That I'm positively head-over-heels for you_

_But just slightly..._

_Belladonna Andromeda, Just Slightly_

000

_Vikertee – Actually you're right. Yaoi is Japanese but Sirius doesn't know that. I hope you liked this chapter and thanks for your review_

_ellesra – Ain't it?! Long live Yaoi! Thanks for your review!_

_Gecko – Creepy, ain't it?All Sirius had to do was get together with Remmie... Maybe that's why she was so evil towards him? She was getting impatient. Thank you for your review._

_crazy4smile67 – Aren't they just adorable?! I just _had_ to add Naruto and Sasuke... plus I was running out of ideas... Thanks for your review!_

_crazychick23 – Yaoi equals beauty and a lot of other fabulous things! I'm so happy I introduced you to this wonderful thing called Yaoi! Thank you for your review._

_2Padfoot00Moony8 – I'm glad you like my story. And I'm even happier that you like my sense of humor. I hope you like this chapter as well. Thank you for your review._

_Stranger – I know! There are too many women in denial out there. We all love Yaoi! Thanks for your review!_

_DanceswithHippogriffs – Wow, thank you for all your reviews. I'm surprised though that hardly anyone knows who Iason and Riki are. They're from Ai no Kusabi. It's a wonderful Yaoi Movie you should really watch! I saw it on YouTube but I don't know if it's still there. _

_mandaxface – Aw, you liked it that much. _Blushes. _Thank you so much for your review._

_Mokubahv – I understand what you're saying but personally I like it when Sirius thinks childishly. He's playful afterall and mischievous. I tried not to use 'oh well' and 'and of course' as much but it's difficult so maybe it has something to do with my way of writing. I'm glad you like it though. Thank you for your review._

_Slasharific – I'm so glad you like my Lily. I think James acts a bit like Ron and for some reason I don't like that that's how I made him. Thank you for your review._

_LovelyChair – Oh my god! I'm so sorry!! I can't believe I forgot you! I'm really sorry and I'm very grateful that you reviewed even though stupid me forgot you._

_Riku-Rocks – He does, doesn't he? You're detailed review had me smiling for a day. So much opinion! It makes me happy. Thank you for your review!_

_Paige and the Loquacious Tabl__e – I had to copy and paste your name because I keep spelling it wrongly. You're right. Sirius should magic the words "Sirius' property" on Remmie's back and Remmie should do the same to Sirius. I'm glad you like my poems. Uh, math homework. I hate math. Thank you for your review._

_JammyTart333 – I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for your review!_

_Stinkin Jammy Jay – You bet there's more! I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you for your review._

_LouisaB – Maybe I should listen to Cindy Lauper's version again. I have the habit of rapidly going through songs and deciding I don't like them too fast. Then when I hear it on my friends' Ipod or something I like it and ask myself why the hell I deleted the song. I'm glad you like my Lily. I love her too. Feisty, clever, beautiful and a lover of Yaoi! We could be best friends if she were real... or maybe not. I might pull a Sirius and start fearing her. Thank you for your review._

_EowynSaule – I just love making the girls go 'fangirly' over Paddle and Remmie. But sometimes I forget I gave them nicknames for a reason. I should work on that. I hope you like this chapter too. Thank you for your review!_


	9. Chapter 9

I must say that in a way I'm impressed. I didn't think I could hate anyone as much as Snivelus. But Lucius Malfoy, Prince of Slytherin even though the bastard doesn't even go to Hogwarts anymore, proved me wrong. Ever since the bastard kissed MY boyfriend he managed to place himself somewhere very high on my to-be-hated-and-spat-upon list. He doesn't bother us, or better yet _me_, when we're with Remus but as soon as he catches either James, Lily or myself by ourselves he does whatever he can to make our lives miserable. So far he has insulted James; his way of kissing, his way of laughing, his way of walking, his family connections, his hair, his fashion sense and his glasses, Lily; her parents, her muggle blood, her intelligence, her inner bitch (though I agreed a little on that one), her choice of boyfriend, her red hair, her freckles and her lack of money, Me; every single fibre of my being... and he _still_ manages to find something new to insult me with and make others _laugh_ at me. People aren't supposed to laugh at me. They are supposed to laugh _with_ me.

The thing is he does it in a way that makes it alright like, for instance, when he's talking about Lily's lack of wealth he doesn't use swearwords, he says it in a way that make others think he's feeling sorry for her instead of insulting her and he makes sure to add 'but that's just my opinion'. Which means that whenever there's a teacher around he or she won't do anything because he's not really doing anything against the rules and we can't do anything about it because then _we'll_ be the ones with detention. Though James and I think it's totally worth getting a good go at the blond bastard our loves think otherwise. Getting ourselves in detention will only make him happier which is the exact opposite of what we want.

Lily, Gertrude, Elizabeth and the newly recruited Cynthia, or the Nutcase Club as I have dubbed them, refuse to take action unless Malfoy insults my relationship with Remmie. The thing is that the son of a bitch is too much of a coward to even attempt provoking my little werewolf because as I said before the feisty beauty I call my boyfriend has the ultimate power over him. Two even. The infamous Remus-only glare. A fearsome glare makes you feel as if you're shrinking. You know, the glare mothers usually have only ten times worse. And the even more infamous "You're grounded!". Complete with the hands-on-the-hip thing, the glare and the finger pointing to the nearest chair with a snarl daring you to leave it without his permission. And, trust me, he can leave you there for days only allowing you to leave for classes, eating and sleeping. I _know_. And so does James. And Peter. And Frank Longbottom. And Snivellus. And... well, you get the point.

Speaking of my fantastic boyfriend... _damn_ can he kiss! I never knew he had it in him. Maybe it's the werewolf but wow! He had me blushing like a virgin the first time he did that, that _miracle_ with his tongue! I kid you not. Though it makes me jealously wonder how many people he's kissed. I'm too afraid to ask seeing as I did more then kissing with more then just one person which he can easily use against me to make me feel stupid and guilty and even more stupid.

A major side-affect is that while I'm in a daze after that kiss day, dreaming about what else he can do with that tongue, he can make me do anything he wants. It would've been a lot better if it was as naughty as it sounds but for Merlin's sake he makes me _study_! Me! Sirius Black! Study! That's like cucumber and chocolate! Despite the fact that Remmie would insist anything goes with chocolate... it _doesn't_! And he honestly expects me to be able to focus in class after we've been snogging somewhere minutes before. I should be happy that he's so concerned with me but I was hoping the professor/teacher aura he always has would lessen around me but instead it tenfolds. And the thankful looks James sends my way whenever Remmie pays more attention to me while bossing us to do our homework does not make it any better.

Lately my sweetheart has been glancing suspiciously at every female in Hogwarts and I'm tempted to join him. Every now and then one of us would see one of them clutching a photograph with two very familiar-looking boys snogging or hugging or even holding hands while giggling evilly. _Shiver_. Just thinking about it makes me feel a little scared. Our privacy has been stolen from us. Remmie and I always manage to catch either Lily or Gertrude with a camera taking a picture of us. We even caught Elizabeth Collingwood making a few snapshots of us when we were cuddling in the Great Hall. And James... though his pet dragon had probably forced him to do it because she was too busy... but _still_. Do you have any idea how freaky it is having your best friend making photo's of you together with your boyfriend? Remmie grounded him. He didn't seem to mind though. He had this goofy grin stuck to his face ever since Lily had thanked him for the pictures and whispered something into his ear that made him turn red.

"-So I told her it was always like that. I mean I've _never_ met a boy who has noticed when his girlfriend changes her hair, unless she did something drastic to it like spike it and dye it green or something, or when she gets a manicure or even when she puts on flavored lipgloss. We do those things for a reason you know! And- are you listening?"

"Do you think Lily's secretly a pervert?" I ask Gertrude as we both wait for Remus and Red Dragon to stop shouting at James for picking on Snivellus. Again. Without me!

At first she just stares at me with those big, doe-like eyes before she bursts out laughing rather hysterically.

"What?" I ask, annoyed. "It was a very serious question."

"No shit! It certainly was a very Sirius question. So like you to ask something _so_ stupid, out of the blue, in the middle of a conversation." She replies, still laughing her head off.

Well, I never! I look away from her indignantly, planning on ignoring her for the rest of the day. After I get an answer to my question that is.

"But really do you think Lily's an undercover pervert."

Again she just looks at me with those eyes. I hate those eyes. James has them too. It's like they scream "I'm your friend... so _smile_, bitch!". Friendly but vicious at the same time. Remmie's eyes are pure passion. Lily's are pure evil. Mine are... well, I've been told that they're playful and full of life so I guess they're... playful and full of life. So.. yeah.

"Sirius. Sirius." She says, while shaking her head, grinning like a fox, "_Everybody_ is a pervert. Some just more then others and some who hide it better then others."

"So Lily hides it better then others? Or what?"

"Let's just say there's always this someone who can make fire run through your veins whenever you look at them. With Lily it's James. With you it's Remus. With me it's Elizabeth. At least that's what I think."

I raise my eyebrows at her as she glances at the nervous ball of brown curls sitting at the Hufflepuff table.

"So what's this yayahoiyahulala thing you girls go crazy about then?" I demand, stumbling magnificently over the blasted word.

She sighs before she drinks her pumpkin juice. "That. Is something you'll never understand." She says with another, more dreamy, sigh, "I can try to explain though. If you really want to know."

"No! No! It's fine! Anyway, why are you sitting at the Gryffindor table?" I've been chatting with her for minutes and _now_ I notice? Maybe Remmie was right when he said I could focus as much as a sailor drunk out of his mind.

"Waiting for the leader."

"Leader? Of your nutcase group?"

"Yes, Leader. That's Lily. And what do you mean 'nutcase group'. We call ourselves the D-LAY Club."

"Delay Club?"

What the hell?

"No, you idiot. D. Then that little strip thing in the middle you know? L. A. Y."

"And that stands for?"

"Defenders of Love And Yaoi."

"It would be funnier if you'd call yourselves the Love And Yawiou Defenders."

"It's Yaoi. And why would- oh, very funny. LAYD. And you call Lily a pervert?"

"I said it would be funny. Not sexy. Has nothing to do with being a pervert. By the way what's taking them so long?"

"Leader and your boyfriend are still ganging up on poor James. Oh wait here comes Mr. Malfoy dragging a green-skinned, bald goblin with him that looks vaguely like Snape and starts yelling at James too. Goblin Snape is saying something which makes Lily round on him which makes Mr. Malfoy round on Lily which makes James round on Mr. Malfoy which makes Goblin Snape round on James which makes Remus round on... well, all of them." She says in one breath. Wow. And what surprised me the most was that I actually understood that. I turn around wanting to see the action for myself.

"Why is it that when my angel's involved none of the teachers come to give everyone detention?"

"Probably because their afraid 'your little angel's' going to ground them."

"Probably." I reply with a chuckle. I watch the fight go on until two fearsome words fill the room with an echo making every conversation stop and every head turn towards the battle area.

"YOU'RE GROUNDED!!"

Remmie's glaring the four people looking nervously at him while pointing at some random empty seats.

"Uhm, who?" James actually has the guts to ask.

"All of you!"

"What?! Me too?!" Lily asks, outraged. She's _never_ been grounded. Not even by her parents probably. The poor thing. _Snigger_.

Remmie silences her with a glare still pointing at the seats. I watch with a huge grin as Goblin Snape, Malfoy, James _and_ Lily slouch towards them, looking like a group of five year-olds who have been told off by an adult.

"Well," Gertrude starts, "I guess the meeting's off. With Leader being grounded and all. Better go before your boyfriend grounds me too."

"Yeah. You do that. And keep that camera in your bag while I snog- I mean, _comfort_ my sweetheart."

"As if."

000

"One word, Black, and you're dead." Lily says, looking bloody murder at me. Cool. Wish I could look bloody murder at someone. I can _scream_ bloody murder though I'm not sure if that's a good thing. She can say all she wants and glare all she wants but I'm too happy to be put down by that. Everyone got grounded. Except me! Peter managed to get on Remmie's bad side by trying to sneak James some Chocolate Frogs. Frank got grounded because he tried to reason with my angel that it wasn't fair grounding Peter because of what he did. Gertrude even got caught because she didn't listen to me about the camera. And now I'm beaming like a flashlight at the unfortunate group of grounded people while eating the Chocolate Frogs which were meant for Prongs.

"I'm not saying anything."

Ooh, if looks could kill Lily would be in Azkaban within five minutes while Remmie weeps over my dead body.

"REMUS! Sirius is picking on us!"

Oh no, she didn't!

"Honestly, Miss Evans, must you act like a two year-old. It's bad enough to be sitting here between a bunch of students but now you're really making us and yourself look bad." Malfoy snaps.

I turn my flashlight grin to him instead. Lily's glare is fire. It incinerates you. James' glare is lighting. It paralyzes you. Sniveluss' glare is like toxic. It poisons you. Lucius' glare is like ice. It freezes you. My glare is, at least I've been told, like a storm. It blows you away. But the mother of all glares, Remus', is like death. It brews a cauldron of fear within you. And it is that glare that caused all the other glares, which were fixated on me, to turn to the floor instead. Frank, Peter and Gertrude didn't even bother. They were smart. They knew that if they were good long enough then eventually Remus let them go. The same day I mean. Not weeks afterwards.

"That doesn't mean I don't agree with her though. I was humiliated in front of the entire school, forced to sit in a corner and watch as the rest ate delicious meals while I got nothing but a few leftovers of food I don't even particularly like, I've been glared at by your demon guard dog all day since, my legs are sleeping and you are certainly not improving my mood!" Prince Slytherin whispers harshly.

"For once I agree with the snake." James mumbled.

But my grin only widens until I feel shiver down my spine that I get whenever a teacher gives me detention. I turn around and my grin vanished instantly.

"Siri?"

"Yes, Rapunzel. Sweetheart. Honey. Sugar. Munchkin. Darling. Angel. Nymph. Uh..." I say, trying to get out of it through flattery but my ideas of nicknames are running low.

"Try 'demon'." Malfoy whispers flatly.

"I wouldn't talk if I were you, _Mr. Malfoy_." Remmie says calmly. "And you," He turns to me again, Yikes! "have you been pestering them?"

"No!" – "Yes!" Me versus Lily, James, Malfoy, Snape, Peter, Gertrude and Frank. That's not funny.

"Siri?"

"Yes, love?" I _knew_ I forgot one.

"You're grounded."

"B-but-"

"But only," He interrupts, "for an hour if you behave."

I immediately shut my trap and resist the urge to turn around and look smugly at the rests' probably scandalized faces.

000

Turned out I pushed my luck. James won't talk to me; Lily's evolved from a Chinese Fireball to a Hungarian Horntail; Snape has sabotaged my potion _twice_; Lucius has been the devil himself towards me and the rest has been ignoring me like I'm a plague. Remmie still loves me though so all is not lost.

"Are you studying?"

"Yes." Though I'm careful not to mention it's my pretty little werewolf I'm studying.

"What's the answer to question five?"

Fuck. I should've known he'd ask me that.

"I haven't gotten that far yet. I'm still reading."

"Sure you are."

"No really."

"But of course."

"..." Damn that _glare_.

"I'll... go study now."

"You do that, honey." Remmie says, flashing world's brightest smile at me. The kind that makes me feel all gooey inside.

My baby's awesome. He can switch from an heavenly angel to a hellish demon in mere seconds. Angel's are sweet. Demon's are naughty. And now I'm thinking about his tongue again. It's only been two weeks since we've gotten together and one week since we've first kissed but I'm already barely keeping myself from pouncing him. He's just damn naughty. My demonic angel. Or angelic demon? Nyah whatever. _Mine_ anyway...

_We come from a kingdom were war is praised_

_Where evil was born and raised_

_We hail from the land where blood soils the ground_

_Where bones of angels are found_

_We, who are called the servants of sin_

_And blamed for the darkness within_

_The children of the innocent_

_And pure-hearted citizens_

_The fingers shall always point at us_

_Lift__ your head high and sing along_

_Beware of the creatures with horns_

_With no holy father or almighty lord_

_We shall not be ignored_

_Forget not that we also have hearts_

_We, who are hated_

_Remember who truly created_

_Us, who were born from the dark_

_Sing along and lift your head high_

_Misunderstood and up to no good_

_But never shall we die..._

_Belladonna Andromeda, We See No Evil_

0000000

_ellesra –_ Thank you for your review. You gotta love being a fangirl. I know I am. Proud of it too! I'm planning on writing on this story until it gets too angsty to be funny and cute so I still have a few more chapters to go. But it's going to take my lazy ass a while

_LouisaB – _Thank you for your review. It's taken a long time for me to write this one but I hope you like it just as much as the last one.

_SilverWhiteDragon – _Thank you for your review! So much enthusiasm it just makes me smile all day long! I hope you still like demonic, angelic Remus along with this chapter.

_Rosiee – _Thank you for your review. Long live Yaoi and _love_, baby! **And** SBRL of course.

_The Falling Moon – _Thank you for your review. They should definately be worried. They are just too irresistable. _gets lost in a dream world full of beautiful Yaoi couples with Sirius and Remus as king and queen_

_Stinkin Sammy Jay – _Thank you for your review! I hope you love this chapter as much as the last.

_MinervaEvenstar – _Thank you for your review. So much flattery! I feel like a tomato! I'm the one who writes the poems by the way but I guess you already figured that out by yourself. If someone else wrote it I'll write their names instead of my own.

_rekahneko – _Thank you for your review! I'm glad you like my story but I keep forgetting I gave them nicknames for a reason. Oh well...

_5redroses – _Thank your for your review_s_! You reviewed every chapter which made my story have over a hundred reviews! I love you! And yes the girls are very scary. _Very_ scary.


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